Phallic Friday - pony fetish

Sometimes good things come when I'm AWOL and not smutty - like realising I didn't do a pony fetish in my fetish blogs. So today I'll rectify that!

This is called 'ponyplay' and it's exactly as it sounds - a person 'becomes' a pony and is treated as such. They can be ridden, they can draw a cart/buggy, parade in full costume, or graze and act with other ponies.

The 'costumes' are many and varied but usually include some form of bit and bridle, reins/harness, and a butt plug with a pony tail. There can also be hobbles, pony boots, corsets or other body items to depict harnesses or something similar.

There's a classic erotic book, I just have no idea which it is, that had a Pony scene in it that just blew my mind. I wish I could remember where I read it but a quick Google search hasn't helped me. I was thinking it may have been The Adventures of Fanny Hill or The Story of O, but it may have been in one of the Marquis deSade's books. Anyway...in my memory of this scene...the female submissive is taken to the pony day at some rich person's establishment where there are stables...but for the human-horses, paddocks...for human-horses, complete with water troughs and buckets of feed. There are racing tracks, trotting tracks, parks for parading, etc., all designed for human-horses but exactly mimicking that used for animals.

The pony tails are of varying lengths and thickness and this is explained to her. A 'new' horse can only hold so much weight in the tail coming from the butt plug, so the 'new' horses have thinner, shorter tails. A very experienced pony has a thick heavy tail which they wear with pride. It's one of those things that my mind may have made much more prominent than the scene had it because it blew my mind when I read it. Something so obvious...when you think about it!

I guess ponyplay links in with extreme D/s we discussed here, the animal fetishes we looked at here and role play, here.
And in case you need a reminder of what ponies and pony tails look like, here are two of the cutest ponies! I was looking after them the last few weeks. It's been 7 years since I had a horse to care for and I forgot how much I loved it...and them. I loved their gentleness, the scent of dust, hay and horse, their big thick tails and manes, their soft eyes and nose, the snuffle of warm horse breath on your face and neck.

Yes, I know, I have a pony fetish...but mine's the "teenage girl who's horse mad" fetish, not the dress-up one!

I don't think I've grown out of that love of horses. And I made an interesting observation too - my love of horses is an on-the-ground one more than a riding one. I love working around them, brushing them, being with them. My friend prefers to be riding and she gets nervous on the ground. Me...I'm nervous once I'm off the ground and on them. We'd make a good team. She could be the champion rider and I'd be the strapper... and somehow it still sounds like a strange sexual thing, doesn't it? I came home and found my smutty mind - I must have left it behind :)

Phallic Friday - messy/dirty partners

This is the last of the fetishes on my list and I'm not sure if it's a serious one or just a laugh, but it was on a few lists, so I guess it's real.

Salirophilia - it has a name, so it must be real - and when I look that up, it's about smearing make up, making a partner dirty/messy during sex, messing up the partner's hair or clothing. Those are the tame forms...it then moves into mud, scat play, golden showers, and other such fetishes.

It seems to be another fetish that overlaps with D/s and many other fetishes that we've discussed over the last few months.

These blog posts have been such fun. I've thoroughly enjoyed my research into the weird, wonderful and wacky things that people enjoy to enhance their sexual gratification.

I hope to use all of this research in a book I've got half started, temporarily called Awakening. But doing all this research, and after other writing, I've changed my thoughts and I think I need to scrap what I've got and start again. So my new plan is to submit it by the end of 2015 - good luck to me (I'll need it!).

Hope you've enjoyed a walk into the world of fetishes!

And please, let me know if I've missed your favourite fetish.

Phallic Friday - cuckolding

Cuckolding is an ancient 'act' but it has a modern twist that makes it a fetish! let me explain:

The term 'cuckolding' comes from the name of the cuckoo, the bird (see Wildlife Wednesday and Phallic Friday finally cross paths!). European Cuckoos 'steal' the nests of other birds for their eggs...and they don't just lay their egg in another's nest, they remove one of that birds' eggs leaving the unsuspecting parents to hatch the cuckoos egg. But it gets worse, when the young cuckoo hatches, they shovel the other chicks out of the nest, so the parents devote themselves to feeding the 'wrong' chick, thus raising a European Cuckoo and not their own fledgling.

With the act of cuckolding in the past, a woman would cheat on her husband, birthing a child who was not his own but who he would, usually unknowingly, raise as his own. The act itself wasn't a fetish, more like a way for a woman to survive a loveless marriage, or bear children if her husband was infertile, or the result of an affair on the sly. The husband may find out if the child bore a vast difference to himself, in which case it could cause an awful furore.

In the American south in the past, there was a huge stigma attached to cuckolding when a white women slept with black men, often a slave, and birthed a black child. To add to this, there was the belief that black men were far more endowed than white men, so for a woman to sleep with a black man, the husband was humiliated many times over - not only because of the unfaithfulness, the child that was not his, and all the emotions those issues brought up, but also because it appeared to society that he couldn't perform adequately (or had a small penis) because his wife preferred the 'larger' man.

So cuckolding has always had a large dose of humiliation and shame associated with it. Not only for the unsuspecting husband, but women who had affairs that were discovered were often shunned by society, or worse.

In recent years in America particularly, cuckolding has taken on a fetish twist, with some husbands wanting to organise for their wife to be serviced by a 'bull' (the term used to describe the third party) and for them to watch for their sexual gratification. This fetish defied my understanding, but I did some research because there was a call for short stories on this fetish, which I thought might be interesting to write.

Some have theorised that this cuckolding fetish may have found a rise in popularity because it contradicts the ideals of monogamy. In most scenarios, there's a 'wife', a 'bull' and a 'cuck', who is the husband and the usual organiser of the event. From what I could find out, the typical cuck is in their 30s, in comfortable longterm relationships, alpha male in most situations, above average intelligence, often in high-powered jobs with above average income. It's thought that these blokes might need the extra mental stimulation that this scenario gives. (I was shocked by this unexpected profile, so I keep searching more).

In most cases, the cuck organises for a bull who is better looking, more endowed, more muscular, and whatever else might 'hurt' them. It doesn't seem that the wife chooses the bull, although she may have input. It seems that in most cases, the guy does the choosing - and yes, there are websites designed for this fetish (in the US. I didn't find much info at all in Australia, so maybe it hasn't taken off here).

It's thought that there are three types of cuckolded me - those who are submissive (they want the degradation and humiliation of not being 'good enough' and being shown what 'good' is, to achieve orgasm), those who want the forced bisexual experience (they want to be pushed into exploring their darkest fantasies, being with a man, and may want their Mistress/dominant wife to instruct them into doing things they'd never do, like a blow job for the bull. It seems that the cuck does not interact with the woman, only takes commands from her), and those who are voyeurs (they want to watch another man having sex, and/or they want to watch their woman being pleasured, and therefore they want the 'best' man possible).

The cuckolded man experiences mental anguish and humiliation, but wrestling with these feelings, turns into the most intense arousal and pleasure. Sometimes it's because their woman is with another, admired by another and lusted after (competitive spirit). The sex scene is always in his memory for him to use in private later, and that's his reward.

Some men like to have sex right after the cuckolding sex - also the competitive spirit, my sperm will over ride yours. This can also be the re-activation of the 'hunter' mentality that existed when he was courting her - trying to win her. The wanting, desiring, lusting were strong emotions that may have diminished in every day life.

Some men find the emotions are a source of pleasure - so a psychological masochism. Intense emotions are experienced, like jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, lust.

Some men want to feel alive. Others to feel diminished from the loss of control (this when the wife becomes the Mistress, and especially if she adds in humiliation aspects by saying how much better the bull is to the cuck, etc).

I still wasn't really understanding the thrill in all of this for the cuckolded guy. I know I have issues with humiliation, but this was way way out of anything I could even stretch to. I was firmly stuck in the thought that to humiliate someone was to deny his humanity, to make him feel less than worthy. And how anyone could get off on that was beyond me.

And then I went hunting in psychology today papers and found this:

Highly secure or self-confident people who believe that they are in the right rarely feel shame at their humiliation.
A light bulb went on in my head. The profile of the cuck made sense to me now.

There was also a bit that mentioned hazing rituals are also a form of humiliation. How many times have I read about those happening in Ivy League Schools in the USA? Suddenly, the fetish began to have some clarity about it. But it took me days, and a lot of reading to get to this understanding. I just wrote some notes to show my journey, because I knew I had this post coming up.

So...how do you feel about the new twist on an old secret shame?

Phallic Friday - pain

This week's fetish is fairly routine after some of the ones we've done. Pain.

Some people get sexual satisfaction from receiving pain; some get sexual satisfaction from giving pain (this one is called sadism).

I'm pretty cerebral and I get lost in my own head sometimes, so if I'm lashed with a bit of pain, it can jar me from becoming lost in myself - and if sex is involved, can tip me into a spectacular orgasm :) But if you go too hard on the pain - you'll hurt me, I'll cry and orgasms will be a long way off! So for me, there's a bit of fine line. And if you don't listen and react to me, there are no second chances.

For other people, they may not have limits on their pain threshold. They may love being pushed further and further each time. They may adore losing all thoughts and just becoming lost in the euphoria that the pain gives them.

But to know how much pain someone likes to receive/inflict, you need a lot of communication. Maybe not so much talking about it before you start, although that's probably a good thing, but also during the sex play. You have to know how to communicate, or how to see, when the limits are reached.

Sadists are usually a Dominant in a BDSM relationship (although not all Doms/Dommes are sadists). But sadists can also just be bastards who abuse a relationship, or abuse a stranger.

If you're playing with a sadist, I think it's really important that the communication is excellent. With pain, what's acceptable for one, may not work for another and both of you need to know that, and work out limits, expectations and care. If you're really going to be hurt, make sure you have plans for your care afterwards and for unexpected emergencies.

Let's have a look at Tiffany Reisz's book, The Saint or the whole Original Sinners series, really. Soren is a sadist, and also a priest. Eleanor is a young girl in his parish, who at the start of the book is not legal. I read this book, and I loved the nuances in it. I thought it was clever, and a really interesting way to explore sadism and Dominance, which developed into a highly complex, adult relationship.

But have a look on Goodreads or Amazon at the readers' reviews. On Amazon, 82% of people gave it 5 stars and loved it. But there are a couple of low starred reviews with people commenting on the characters' lack of loyalty to each other, and others appalled by the violence in the sex. Some are queasy reading the sex scenes. In other reviews, the reader felt Soren groomed Eleanor and likened it to paedophilia. Others say that Reisz pushed the sex too far. There's a wide interpretation of what people like and find acceptable - even though I imagine only people who are fans of erotic romance would chose to read this book.

With pain, like so much about sex, everyone has different limits, expectations and experiences.

Phallic Friday - touching strangers

This fetish is about getting sexual gratification from touching strangers, especially surreptitiously. This is called Frotteurism.

Have you ever done this, or had it done to you?

I must admit that in my younger years, when dancing and after having more than a few drinks, I have been known to rub up against guys to 'check out their package'. A friend told me she always did it, and I thought she was kidding. But I tried it and it was a lot of fun - for both people. Oh, so I guess I wasn't doing this surreptitiously, hey? If you've had a few too many drinks, nothing is very sneaky, is it?

This has happened to me too, especially when I was going to school on public transport. Mostly I thought it was just a crowded train so I'll never really know if they were rubbing against me and getting off on it.

But once, I was on a train heading away from Sydney towards Melbourne (the overnighter) and it was an old train with those dog boxes (that's what we called them, maybe not the technical name), where there were sectioned off  'rooms' along the carriage and each 'room' had two bench seats facing each other where 4 - 5 people could sit on each side. Above were luggage racks and space below the seats too. It was cold and draughty, but when the windows and doors were closed and night fell, it could be kind of snuggly (there was a funny little heater too for winter nights).

So this night I'm on the train with a bunch of strangers but we'd chatted while the sun was up and shared food and what not. It was a mix of guys and girls, young and old. The train was going to arrive at my destination about 2.30 am, so I'd always sleep and the conductor would wake me (and any passenger, if you remained in your assigned seat). So I'm asleep, and I'm toasty warm, snuggled up, and absolutely loving the bliss...except I started to wake, to find I'm cocooned by the guy who was next to me (he looked like a muso - long hair, angular features, he was really quiet and intense) and we have a doona over us...and he's not just rubbing himself against my butt and leg, he has his hands on my breasts and he's going for it. OMG. I had no idea what to do. Everyone's asleep. He's almost there and I'm feeling pretty damn good, if a little weirded out. What the hell should I do?

I pretended to stay asleep :) It seemed the easiest option. He got his satisfaction, I wasn't completely embarrassed, and then the conductor came to wake me. I smiled and thanked the guy before racing away!

Mum would have told me that I should have screamed and reported him. Probably most sane people would say the same. But I didn't. I didn't want to embarrass him, the rest of the people, myself. Besides, he was hardly harming me...there was no penetration, no clothing removal, and even his hands were gentle and remained on my outer garments. I wasn't hurt. In a way I kind of enjoyed the strange event...and I remember it even though it happened over 20 years ago. It was one of those weird encounters that you're not sure if it happened or you dreamed it. I wonder now if he had this fetish, or if he was just taking advantage of an unsuspecting, sleeping traveller?

I think this is one of those peculiar but kind of fun fetishes.

If you want to read a story that delves into this fetish, try Charlotte Stein's Closer. This is the blurb:

Judy has a bad habit, one that gets worse during the busy Christmas season. She likes to rub against strangers on trains. And with all the hot businessmen on her route, she’s not kicking the habit anytime soon. After all, she’s not really hurting anyone. But she definitely feels dirty when a gorgeous stranger catches her in the act—until it’s clear he wants to join in, and he’s not the type to take no for an answer. In fact, he isn’t taking no for an answer on a lot of things.Judy may think she’s only willing to go so far, or get so close. But Holt thinks differently…

Well, that was tricky to find. If you want to read it, you'll have to find it in the anthology Merry Kinkmas and buy it from Ellora's Cave. The link is here and it's on special for $5 - containing more than just this fabulous story.

Phallic Friday - tattoos

Today's fetish is tattoos. I'm not talking about the single tattoo you get, and probably not even that sleeve, or those sleeves. This is more when tattoos become who you are, or change who you are.

A good example, and probably the first person I saw who did this, is The Lizardman. He has a website here. He has tattooed his body, and had other body modifications, so that he now resembles a lizard. He has a FAQ section which makes for interesting reading. His reason for body modification has everything to do with performance art, as well as philosophical questioning on what it means to be human. He makes no mention of the word fetish...and maybe it's not a true fetish because it doesn't seem to be done for sexual gratification. So maybe I need to re-think him as an example. But he's the first person who pops into my mind when I think of a tattooing fetish.

When Googling this, I've found sites where people talk about sexual gratification from the pain of being tattooed (stigmatophilia). One guy says "...I just love having ink, I love getting it, I love the pain, I love the healing, I love looking at it and I love when women touch it." He's on his way to getting his whole body covered in tatts.

There are people who get off on self-tattooing. These may not be intricate designs, just a series of dots. There are websites that link tattoos with another fetish, the most common seems to be foot fetishes linked with tattoo fetish, so there are heaps of videos of feet being tattooed. And if that's your thing...you must seriously love youtube!

One of the Dragons footy players has some serious tattoos that tell the story of his life. I don't know if he'd call it a fetish, but there are heaps and heaps of tattoos on him - and still space for more. If you're interested, Google "Josh Dugan tattoos" there's a few stories about his tatts and some stunning photos of them too. I have to admit to studying them quite closely when we're at the Dragons games (Mr E's team)...they've inspired a bit of a story too. I develop a little bit more of the story at each game we go to. So I might have to do a whole story with a guy who has a tattoo fetish, and a girl who's an artist, mesmerised by his tatts.

Are you a fan of tatts? Or do you have a tattoo fetish?

Phallic Friday - piercings

Today's fetish is piercings. Body piercings are becoming more acceptable in society than when I was a kid. It was rare when I was growing up for anyone to even have their ears pierced, now, even babies have their ears pierced without a lot of kerfuffle.

But this fetish is more than ears. This is about piercings in lots of body parts, but more particularly those associated with sex. So not just genitals, but tongues and nipples too.

People have all manner of reasons for piercings, some like the look, or the way it feels, or the extra pleasure a piercing can give if used correctly.

There are some who use piercing as a part of their sexual play. They may insert decorated needles to form a pattern (eg corset) or to enhance the pleasure-pain of a sex act, or foreplay. These piercings aren't permanent. I've also heard it called needle play.

Piercings can also include stretching of the pierced site, to allow for 'holes' to develop which can also be used for decoration/jewellery and/or play.

Piercing isn't new, it's been used in some cultures for centuries.

If you're interested, Wikipedia has images for these, but if you don't want to go checking it out, here it is in words :)

Male Genital Piercings include:
Ampallang: a horizontal piercing through the penis
Apadravya: a vertical piercing through the penis
Prince Albert: a ring-style piercing that extends along the underside of the glans from the urethral opening to where the glans meets the shaft of the penis
Reverse Prince Albert: enters through the urethra and exits through a hole pierced in the top of the glans
Dydoe:  pierces through the coronal rim of the glans
There's also foreskin piercing (if uncircumcised), frenum piercing (at the back of the head), lorum piercing (where penis and scrotum connect) and hafada piercing (on the scrotum).

Female Genital Piercing include:
Various clitoral piercings, along with labial and vulval piercings, and piercing of the mons pubis.

There's also pubic and anal piercings (anal through the anus itself, and guiche that passes horizontally through the perineum).

This fetish will definitely be used in the story. As for me, I don't even have my ears pierced!

How do you go with this fetish?

Phallic Friday - exhibitionism

Exhibitionism is today's fetish. The freedictionary.com gives this definition:

1. The act or practice of deliberately behaving so as to attract attention.

2. Psychiatry A psychosexual disorder marked by the compulsive exposure of the genitals in public.

 

I'm naturally an introvert, which I think is a good thing, otherwise this would be my fetish of choice!

 

There's something thrilling about having an intimate act witnessed by others - and I'm not talking about a wild cheering crowd, or having it displayed to the masses. My idea would be more of a peep-hole visitor, or someone stumbling on you.

 

Years ago when I was a talker addict, a couple of cyber-friends were arranging their meet. He said she should wear a big flowing skirt, like a gypsy skirt. She laughed and said she thought he'd prefer a tight mini. But no, he wanted a large flowing skirt so when they met in the park, if they wanted to have sex, she could sit on his lap and no one would know what they were doing. God, I couldn't get that vision from my head. Imagine having sex like that, where anyone could see, would know what you were doing. I'm sad to report that it didn't happen like that when they met - or so they told me!

I'm not a big fan of clothes - except in winter when I layer upon layer to keep warm - so when I was younger, nudist colonies quite appeal to me. I was shocked to find that they don't go for sex in public. It kind of put a dampener on my desire to visit. Not that I really wanted to see public sex everywhere I went...I just wanted the ability to have sex where someone might catch you and watch. And of course they'd never giggle, you'd never jiggle, and everything would be perfect! :)

 

You might notice it's kind of a theme that pops up in a lot of my stories - public sex when someone stumbles across them in the act. There's something in that adage of 'those who can't, write.' I don't know that I'd ever have the courage to have sex where I could be caught, and with cameras on every device in every pocket, it's even less likely to happen now.

Sometimes I'm not sure it's an exhibitionist tendency I have... maybe it's more that I don't think nudity or sex are wrong, therefore I don't think they should be hidden away and made out to be wrong/smutty/dirty/forbidden. I think we need to be more open about the human form in all it's differences ... but I'm not going first! 

So, although I like the idea of this fetish, I'm way too much of an introvert to participate.

Do you have any exhibitionist tendencies, or wishes?

Phallic Friday - voyeurism

Today's fetish is voyeurism. It always makes me think of that old advertisement, was it for Guinness, when the guy says, "I like to watch." I looked on youtube for it and found this one here - it's not the one I remember, but anyway! Here's the one I remember.

Voyeurism is described on dictionary.com as "the practice of obtaining sexual gratification by looking at sexual objects or acts, especially secretively." 

Voyeurs can do this in person, often using peepholes, or by using technology such as cameras, video recorders, etc. There are clubs where voyeurs can pay to watch sexual activities. And the internet is a voyeur's paradise - easily available porn videos both professionally shot and amateur videos, plus with live streaming and every computer/phone having a camera, there's a huge number of people with sites where they perform.

If you're having sex in public now, you don't just have to be careful of someone walking by and watching...but someone walking by, filming, and allowing the world to watch. Some months ago there was a NZ pair caught at night in the office with the lights on having wild sex. Not only was this watched by people from across the road it was filmed and broadcast everywhere - even the news in Australia. Here it is in the UK Daily Mail. When something is broadcast like this, we all become voyeurs as we watch it (even if we don't enjoy it per se), and the couple are non-consensual exhibitionists (more on exhibitionism next week).

In the 'old days' Peeping Toms were the only voyeurs I knew...they were the 'scary men who'd watch you if you didn't draw the curtains at night'. Did your Mum every scare you with those stories? Mine tried to, maybe because I was showing exhibitionist tendencies at a young age which caused her to panic! I wasn't known for enjoying clothes when I was a kid.

Anyway, voyeurs in a fetish/sex club is definitely something I'll be including in my story. I think it's a fascinating topic, and a fascinating fetish.

Do you, "...like to watch"?

Phallic Friday - swingers

Today's fetish, Swingers, follows on from Group Sex but I think this one is more of a lifestyle couples choice so I separated it.

One of my writing buddies wrote a fabulous ebook she sent to me to explain the Swingers lifestyle...but it doesn't seem to be on Amazon, so I can't recommend it to you. But there seems to be a lot of guides to look at if you're interested.

Swinging is when you are a couple, yet you participate in sex with other people - which can be swapping partners, sharing partners, sharing one or other of the pair, people watching others having sex, all sorts of forms and combinations! And it's not just a one-off thing, this is a lifestyle choice.

The thing that I didn't understand about swinging, which my buddy so beautifully described and sorted out for me, was the jealousy aspect. How do you not compare/be concerned about comparisons/get jealous about the sharing?

Her explanation was that you loved to see your partner experience sex. So it wasn't all about you. It was about you as a couple.

She said it was important that as a couple you were completely open, honest and communicated well through every aspect of this experience. So when your partner is having sex with another women, you might need him to focus on you, so catch your gaze, stare at you, say your name, and that had to be respected by him and done.

It may be that you feel kissing is too intimate an act to share outside of your couple, so then there is a mutual discussion where you both are happy to reach and agreement, and kissing might be 'banned' from the swinging sex. Or maybe you can kiss, but not French kissing/tongue involvement or whatever it is you agree on.

Swinging isn't about cheating on your partner, or getting some different sex. It's about enjoying your partner's experience of sex, and sometimes that might not be with you. But afterwards, you hear all about it, relive it, talk about it, re-enact it, enjoy the pleasure afterwards in whatever way you both enjoy.

And if I think about it that way...it makes a lot of sense. It'd sure make an interesting story :)

Phallic Friday - group sex

This week's fetish is group sex. And yes, it's exactly as it sounds...having sex in a group.

And if you've ever wondered at the popularity of this fetish, then do a little Google search 'fetish & group sex' and you might be surprised how many porn and video sites you get! I was. Most times when I Google, I get info sites...but not with this fetish.

Group sex is one of those things people talk about when they're listing their fantasies - it's not something they'd do, but it's something they think about. For each person, the attraction may be different. It might be the exhibitionism (having sex where others can watch) that is attractive, or the voyeurism (watching others have sex) and they're both fetishes in their own right which are coming up for discussion in a few weeks. For some it's the multiple partner aspect, or the group dynamic, or the writhing mass of bodies all with the same objective, or just having sex with others doing the same is the turn on. Sometimes it can be linked with D/s where the submissive is involved at the Dominants request - the Dominant may be watching or may be involved.

Group sex can be linked up with other fetishes too. The Google search seemed to turn up all sorts of other fetishes linked with group sex - feet fetishes, furries, bondage, just to name a few.

There's such an interconnectedness with fetishes. I guess that's because people are multi-faceted and have lots of interests and lots of arousal points. The brain is an incredible organ, and arousal can occur differently in different people...but also differently on different days/with different partners within the same person.

I've learned so much doing these posts, just thinking about each fetish and why that particular thing might cause arousal. I've got all kinds of ideas for my book, but it's also made me think more openly about what might excite a person.

I find the thought of group sex quite overwhelming. I'm a bit of a thinker, so often get lost in my own thoughts, and imagining a group sex scene almost fries the circuitry. I don't know if I could relax my brain enough to feel and react, rather than observe and think and be amazed! Maybe it's different being involved in group sex, rather than just thinking about being involved in group sex.

If you've read Lana, I took that story into a group sex scene (on a small scale) and that was pretty fun to write. I might have to write more group sex scenes...make my circuitry work! :)

Are you a fan of group work?

Phallic Friday - hairlessness

Today's fetish is about shaving and/or hairlessness, which is acomophilia (if you want complete hairlessness) or acomoclitic (if it's just hairless genitals). I guess with acomoclitic it's mostly about the appeal of the pre-pubescent, but there can also be an element of 'cleanliness', an OCD component, and/or the dislike of any coarse touch.

The more I'm investigating these fetishes, the more I think there are so many inter-related fetishes, that it's difficult to really separate one from another.

Or maybe it's the fact that people are particular about what they like...so lumping likes into one category isn't quite as simple as the world would like.

If you're interested in this fetish, there's an interesting article here, written by a professor who studies obsessive or extreme behaviours.

There seems to be a fetish for women liking bald men, men liking bald women, people liking hairless genitals, and people liking hairless people, some even preferring it in themselves...plus more I've probably not thought/read about.

I wonder if society has 'exacerbated' this preference for hairlessness with photoshopping images so that no body hair 'destroys' the image? Particularly with women, there's a societal expectation to have no visible under arm hair, leg hair, or public hair, plus eyebrows should be tamed. Just this week, some celebrity was mentioned for attending an event in a sleeveless shirt/dress which showed their underarm hair. There's also been recent media articles about women choosing not to shave/depilate (Not sure if I've made that word up...but there's depilation and depilatory, so surely there's depilate!)...yet why is this worthy of attention?

I guess the Brazilian waxing has been around forever...well, at least back to ancient Egypt where hair removal was for hygienic purposes. So maybe modern society isn't to blame.

It's an interesting fetish...and one I'm going to think about more. I thought more about genital hairlessness than about bald heads...so maybe my story needs to incorporate some bald heads, not just bodies.

Are you into hair or no hair? Or does it depend on which body part?

And does acomophilia/acomoclitic make you think of old guys with comb overs? :)

Phallic Friday - extreme D/s

Today's fetish is the extreme forms of Dominance/submission. This may not necessarily be a full time commitment, but it's taking the Dominance and/or submissive roles to the extreme.

Lily Malone alerted me to this article a couple of weeks ago, which I thought fell under the extreme D/s category we're exploring this week. This article is about a male-female relationship where she wears a dog collar and he takes her for walks, with his four-legged dog. The article explains that the collar-wearing is consensual and that they agreed to that before they entered into a relationship. They claim that it's not a sexual act, but just the way they are.

Wearing a sign of 'ownership' is often a part of a D/s relationship, and can be the sign that 'play is on' - a sign that both parties recognise as the commencement of their D/s play (this is especially handy if you aren't in a full time D/s relationship). It doesn't need to be a dog collar as in the article. It can be a piece of jewellery, an item of clothing or the loss of an item of clothing, it can be anything you decide. And no one else may know if the significance, making it all the more exciting and enticing.

I think rape fantasies that many D/s relationships play out fall under this category too. It can be an extreme form of D/s, if taken to a certain level. Although I think rape fantasies can be disassociated with D/s as well...it all depends on you and your fantasy.

The key is that in healthy D/s relationships, no matter how extreme, there is discussion and communication between the parties, and all know and understand what they're becoming involved in, at every step along the way.

Sadism also falls under the extreme D/s fetish (although I guess it is it's own fetish too) - where a submissive can be hurt/injured for the sexual arousal of the Dominant. It's a consensual act, where the submissive has agreed to certain possibilities of the play (e.g. they may agree to whipping but not cutting, or bruising but not in obvious places, they may agree to being tied, bound, gagged, and taken by force, or any other acts the Dominant may desire). This is not something decided on the fly - it's discussed before sexual play, preferably in a non-threatening environment.


I recently read The Saint by Tiffany Reisz. It deals beautifully with an extreme D/s relationship (and a forbidden one) where the Dom is a sadist. He's also in a position of power over the girl, he was her priest, and at no stage in the story did he abuse his power with her. He gave her knowledge and resisted having sex with her until he considered that she had enough experience to be able to 'cope' with what he wanted from her...which was extreme. But it's so powerfully written that although the sex was incredibly rough and confronting, you had to respect the sadist for their care. No matter how much pleasure he took from her injuries, he ensured her safety at every single step.

That's the power of an extreme D/s relationship, I think. You're both free to get to your most basest instincts, knowing the person you're with will accept you, keep you safe, and allow you the freedom to explore your darkest fantasies, or needs.

Phallic Friday - mannequins

The mannequin fetish is called agalmatophilia. It's arousal/pleasure from a doll, mannequin, statue or other similar object.

This fetish continues on, I guess, from the 'watching someone sleep' fetish but could also involve bondage fetish too.

It can also be linked to a pygmalionism, which is the love of something you've created.

When I've gone hunting for information on this fetish, there isn't a lot. The websites are mostly for those with the fetish, not about the fetish.

There's a website for the perusal of mannequins dressed in various costumes, and various states of dress/undress. (www.mannequinfetish.com)

There seems to be a lot of 'art' associated with this fetish, with cartoons, images, videos, stylised photographs, etc filling social media sites (like Tumblr).

There was a reference to this fetish on a Criminal Minds episode too, not that long ago. I wrote a post about it here.


Not sure that this one will make it into my story. I can't get my head into being sexually aroused by mannequins...but maybe it's more about the stylised woman/man, than an inanimate object.

Do you have any insights into this fetish?

Phallic Friday - nappies and babies

I know, this topic doesn't seem like the right thing for a Friday, does it? But there's a fetish for people who like to dress up as a baby and be treated as a baby and for those who like to wear nappies and be smacked, punished, and treated like a child. Sometimes this can crossover with the golden showers/scat fetish too.

Here's a UK newspaper article about a couple who not only live with a nappy fetish (the husband is into diapers; the wife is Mummy) but they also run a 'nursery' for adult men to visit by the hour...and they insist that nothing sexual occurs in the sessions. It's stress relieving only.

Along with the hour long visits, they also provide overnight, or 12 hour, stays. With a bonus of 'nappy changes', that are charged extra. And yes, they have adult sized nappies. Actually, from the photos in the article, they have a sized-up nursery complete with cot, high chair, and toys.

They claim to have a lot of male clients who are under 25 years of age, and say that with the increase use of the internet, people are finding themselves/their 'thing' more easily than in the past.

Although the newspaper article claims that sex is not involved in their business, I think sex is often associated with the fetish. Many men masturbate while dressed as a baby. Others like to be masturbated, or sucked, while acting a child.

If you're looking for more information, this article talks of paraphilic infantilism (i.e. individuals who get sexually aroused from being an adult baby) and the associated fetishes that can be attached to this, like being a lactophile (enjoying being wet-nursed), or enjoying urinating or defecating on themselves.

This fetish is not about being interested in children, like a paedophile, but from acting like a child and receiving enjoyment/pleasure from that act.

This fetish is often used for images when people are disparaging fetishes. I've seen many images of an older man dressed in a bib, nappy and bonnet (or something similar) when I've read about fetishes in the past. It somehow seems to be the image, along with a leather-clad, stocking wearing Domme, that signifies 'fetish'. Maybe that's changing now with so many other fetishes becoming recognised and discussed.

How do you feel about changing adult nappies? I have a weak stomach, so it's not my thing!

Phallic Friday - furries, teddies and plush toys

This week we're going to look at a fetish all about soft toys, teddy bears, dressing in fursuits, dressing as animals, being happiest with furries.

This can be a fun, dress-up activity that people partake in, like FurFest which I think is an offshoot from ComicCon. A time where people get to dress as an animal and mix and mingle in relative anonymity behind their fur mask.

Or it can be a lifestyle choice, where you mix with other people who enjoy this fetish and partake in activities, including sex, dressed as your animal.

I'm probably explaining this terribly...but from what I've been reading as I hunted around to understand this fetish, it seems that for some people it's just a game they play, yet for others it's a complete lifestyle choice. Maybe that's not too dissimilar to a couple who occasionally play with a whip or handcuffs, compared with the full BDSM lifestyle.

There are quite a number of theories as to why this fetish is popular. Some believe that it comes from childhood affection to stuffed animals, or a particular stuffed animal. Others believe it's a way to hide your true self and take on a new identity that is devoid of gender, age, race, and other 'human' issues. Dressing as an 'animal' also takes away any human physical traits that a person may not see as attractive, and so they can indulge sexually without fear of rejection.

The fur community have developed a language for their needs. "Skritching" is grooming another's fur. "Yiffing" is mating, and a 'fur pile' is an orgy. "Plushies" are those who become aroused through the use of soft toys, also called "plushophiles".

It's an interesting fetish. I think the huge increase in shape-shifter romance stories might be indicative of the increase in the number of people interested in this fetish. There are certainly many more events for people interested in dressing up fetishes than there were twenty years ago. The world seems to be changing for people with some of the more 'cute' fetishes. One day the world may be ready to accept everyone. I'd love to see that.

Phallic Friday - sleeping

I hope I'm not the only person in the world to have a fetish for sleeping. I love snuggling into my bed for lots of zzzzs...

but today's fetish isn't that.

It's about watching someone sleep, somnophilia.

I have to say that I don't get this one but I've been trying to understand it.

I'm a night owl, so I'm often awake (and usually reading when I should be writing) long after Mr E goes to sleep. So lately I've been watching him and thinking about this fetish...but I'm still not understanding it. I need reciprocation, or at least response, for arousal.

I've thought back to my young years when I first slept with a man, and I do remember the thrill of waking up and watching him sleep. His face relaxed, his lashes lying on his cheek, his eyes flicking beneath lids as he dreamed (of me I always hoped!), his lips softened and almost smiling, his body relaxed, or sometimes curled up a little which was so cute on such a tough guy. But I think that mental catalogue lasted a few moments.

This fetish is more about getting off on the watching. Not looking and thinking they're cute... but taking that further to sexual arousal.

All I can imagine is that it's a sexual arousal from the vulnerability that comes with sleep. No one sleeps when they're 'on guard' and so to sleep with someone watching, you must be exhausted, or trust the person. And that's an aphrodisiac - trust.

But reading around the internet, there are lots of reasons why people have this fetish, and some have it linked with another fetish too. One guy said he was shy and used this to overcome his shyness - although he never had intercourse with the sleeping/unconscious woman, just touched, maybe oral, but usually just looking and sniffing and light touching. Reddit has a huge amount of fetish discussion.

There's an interesting website with some research about different fetishes too. It has an article on somnophilia. It's not explicit, more scientific. You can access it here.

Have you got any somnophilia insights for me?

Phallic Friday - golden showers and scat play

So, this fetish is not for the squeamish. Stop reading now if you're not into bodily functions.

I'm squeamish. I don't do bodily fluids. So this one's not something I'd be keen on playing with.

Golden showers are all about urination. Scat play is all about poo.

I'm not entirely sure what the thrill is with these - and it's probably different for each person. Maybe it's the taboo nature. Maybe something about the sharing and intimacy. Maybe it's related to the humiliation.

Taboo nature: some people get off on being 'dirty' and doing something 'wrong'. Some like trying something that's beyond the norm. Scat and golden showers fall into these categories. There's quite a lot of discussion on the internet about this nature of the fetish.

Intimacy: sex is all about intimacy. Joining of two people. Exploring another's body. Knowing what turns someone on. This takes it further. You're not just sharing sexual bodily fluids, but sharing bodily fluids that others don't ever share. When you share another's urine and faeces, there isn't a lot you don't know about the person. And it's a huge trust issue too...you're moving into territory where trust violation can be a serious threat to your health, and also your lifestyle. Of the reasons, this one makes sense to me. There are very few people who I'd trust so much. And sharing something as intimate as this, would need a lot of trust on my part.

Humiliation: I'm not into humiliation. Even seemingly innocuous humiliation gets me furious - we had a discussion about this at Book Club last month where I realised how adamant I am against humiliation. I was shocked at my stance on something simple (a memoir where the author had shared embarrassing things about her children's childhood), that others didn't think was a big deal. So, although I know that people enjoy being humiliated (and humiliating), and they take sexual pleasure from it...I can't get my head around it. I can't understand it in the simplest form, let alone a sexually intricate form. Humiliation makes me turn in on myself, hide myself from the world. It doesn't come close to getting me off. But, if you like humiliation, this is kind of the ultimate, isn't it? Especially when it's 'forced' or 'commanded', and even more so when it involves swallowing.

Maybe there are other reasons that this fetish is sexually arousing but that's all I could find in my hunting. Do you have any other ideas?

Phallic Friday - binding

Last week we talked about spanking and whipping, this week takes it a little further - binding.

I used to be a talker junkie, way back when the internet was starting. I was on a BDSM talker and I met some amazing people, but one man who I adored was into binding, in a big way.

If we 'played' we acted out his fantasy, which was to tape someone up. Not just their mouth, but to bind their wrists, their ankles, then slowly bind their body. Sometimes it was to something, like a whipping post. Sometimes it was just to be bound and left with strategic places exposed. Left helpless, dependent upon him for help, pleasure...and everything.

Now I should explain that talkers were like chat rooms now. So 'playing' meant talking/typing, and all was anonymous. No images. No emails. No idea who the person really was, unless you decided to meet in real life, away from the talker. So it was relatively safe...so long as you were careful. And the fantasies you acted out, had to be described, in words, and so you could fake anything, or go as far as you wanted with something - even log off if it all got too weird.

So...back to my binding man. We talked for some months and I learned a little about his real life. The most fascinating thing about him was that he had these binding fantasies...that he had never acted out and never shared except on talkers...and his real life job was so so so much like his fantasies it was incredibly amazing. He was an anaesthetist.

I don;t think he could really understand my complete and utter fascination about this. It made him uncomfortable when I brought up his real life job and tied it to his fantasy. He took his job very seriously. He didn't see that the two things connected - or didn't want to see. But to me, it was purely fascinating. Did he have the fantasy because of the job, or the job because of the fantasy? Or were they really not connected?

For many months we talked about this but we never really came to a conclusion. He thought he'd always had binding fantasies but that they'd become stronger the older he got. So he imagined that there was a little of the fantasy driving his career choice, but also his career choice driving the fantasy further.

One interesting thing about him. I tried to marry his fantasy to his job, by encouraging him to do a 'scene' online where I was on the operating table and he was binding me. Nope. He could not do it. Totally freaked him out. He could bind me elsewhere, but I couldn't link his work with his thrills.

It made me want him to be my anaesthetist if I ever needed one. But I was never really into the complete immobilisation from binding. I like my bit of control!

Ever thought about binding? or being bound?

Phallic Friday - late and in trouble, need spanking

I'm late and Lily has already called me out about it on Twitter. My apologies. I was having too much fun this week with visitors and now my brain is fried with exhaustion! We spent a lot of time at the beach and the river...and the weather gods were kind and gave us a late summer :)

Anyway, Phallic Friday - this week is about spanking and whipping.

My sister bought me a book many years ago called Spank Me, and it was a history of spanking. Hmm...it's not on my bookcase and must be in the garage in my other book cupboard. So I can't give you any details about the book...and google and amazon aren't helping me.

Anyway, suffice to say that I've been interested in this form of fetish for a while now. There's something thrilling and exhilarating about spanking or whipping. Now, I'm not talking about a thrashing or a belting here. I'm talking about spanking for fun. For the stimulation. The thrill. The sharp jag of pain, the shock, the unexpectedness.

I know alot of people associate spanking with childhood trauma, or childhood spankings/chastisement. I don't know that fun spanking can be linked to that - maybe the humiliation spankings could be, as they're more associated with the punishment, humiliation, degradation aspects.

For me, the fun aspect comes from the unexpectedness. The sharp jag of pain. It rips you from yourself. Focuses on the external. gets you out of your had and into the event.

In my exhausted state here, I've probably shared far too much! Sorry if I've fallen into the TMI post.

How do you feel about spanking?