Friday, June 26, 2015

Phallic Friday - swingers

Today's fetish, Swingers, follows on from Group Sex but I think this one is more of a lifestyle couples choice so I separated it.

One of my writing buddies wrote a fabulous ebook she sent to me to explain the Swingers lifestyle...but it doesn't seem to be on Amazon, so I can't recommend it to you. But there seems to be a lot of guides to look at if you're interested.

Swinging is when you are a couple, yet you participate in sex with other people - which can be swapping partners, sharing partners, sharing one or other of the pair, people watching others having sex, all sorts of forms and combinations! And it's not just a one-off thing, this is a lifestyle choice.

The thing that I didn't understand about swinging, which my buddy so beautifully described and sorted out for me, was the jealousy aspect. How do you not compare/be concerned about comparisons/get jealous about the sharing?

Her explanation was that you loved to see your partner experience sex. So it wasn't all about you. It was about you as a couple.

She said it was important that as a couple you were completely open, honest and communicated well through every aspect of this experience. So when your partner is having sex with another women, you might need him to focus on you, so catch your gaze, stare at you, say your name, and that had to be respected by him and done.

It may be that you feel kissing is too intimate an act to share outside of your couple, so then there is a mutual discussion where you both are happy to reach and agreement, and kissing might be 'banned' from the swinging sex. Or maybe you can kiss, but not French kissing/tongue involvement or whatever it is you agree on.

Swinging isn't about cheating on your partner, or getting some different sex. It's about enjoying your partner's experience of sex, and sometimes that might not be with you. But afterwards, you hear all about it, relive it, talk about it, re-enact it, enjoy the pleasure afterwards in whatever way you both enjoy.

And if I think about it that makes a lot of sense. It'd sure make an interesting story :)

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Wildlife Wednesday - Grey Butcherbird

A year ago, I did a post about Grey Butcherbirds at Dad's place - you can find it here. Today, I bring you my own Grey Butcherbird, an immature one. He's so very cute.

I've been feeding the little family of magpies for months now, and often after they've been, I've heard a butcherbird nearby but he hasn't shown his face. Then more recently, he's been perching on my clothesline but keeping his distance. I've been tossing him a bit of meat when he visits and eventually he started coming down and collecting it. Then this week, he called out and sat in the nearby tree waiting for me to feed him, which allowed me to get some photos.

It's exciting seeing these birds come into the backyard, and even more exciting when they decide that it's a safe place to visit and feed.

I really miss having my dogs around...but the native wildlife makes up a little bit of the 'loneliness'.

Sunday, June 21, 2015

Sunday Story - Heroes

I'm not talking about story heroes here...well, not exactly. I'm thinking more of life heroes...the people you look up to.

I've always had sporting heroes but not too many non-sporting heroes. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because sports are something I'd really like to do well, yet I don't. Plus I always admire sports people for their tenacity, as well as their skill.

When I was a teenager, as well as footy players, there were jockeys adorning my school diaries. I had a thing for Wayne Harris...and it wasn't only because I thought he was cute, but because he had this drive to be a jockey that kept him going even through broken bones, a broken back, brain cancer. He seemed to be often injured but always smiling and making a comeback. He struggled through adversity to achieve his goals, and all the time seemed like a nice bloke. He's still at the races now, almost hobbling at times, but he always has a smile and a tip for the mug punters who yell out to him. It takes such courage to keep going when it would be easier to give up, but so much more courage to do it with a smile, and remain generous and genuinely nice to people.

I was thinking about this recently - my sporting heroes - because I've been struggling with my writing. I was losing heart because I'm stuck re-writing things when I find that incredible frustrating and disheartening. I don't know why my brain works differently to everyone else's. Why do I want to write in such a way that readers don't want to read? It's been driving me bonkers lately, mostly because I've decided to succumb to 'market pressure' and conform (but not always, I need to do it my way sometimes!).

One day I was incredibly disheartened, and then one of my sporting heroes was being interviewed after a frustrating loss and said that you couldn't give up after one poor game, that you had to "trust in the process and have a little faith." He was talking about the training, the preparation, the game plan, the people around you... but to me, it was about writing.

I can change the way I write. I don't have to make a big deal about it. If I want to write to suit what readers want, then I do that. I know how to write, and even if it's not my preferred way, if it suits others, then that's the plan. I have to 'trust the process, and have a little faith'.

I think trust and faith are two things I struggle with - along with patience. I'm really in the wrong game for someone who struggles with those things, but I think it's the lesson I need to learn in this lifetime.

I don't trust myself. I second guess myself, I question myself, I worry that my decisions aren't right, that I'm not right, that I don't know what I'm doing.

And faith, gee, I've spent the last 10 years learning my craft, learning everything I can about this writing game, but my faith in my ability is pretty poor. I wasn't like this with my science career and I think the difference might be because with science I had a piece of paper to prove what I'd learned. But now I write that, I realise I was scared of all the things I didn't know in science. Every time I got a job, I wondered why on earth they'd employed me. So yep, maybe faith wasn't so hot then either.

And even with all that self-doubt and all those worries...I still expect to have achieved my goals in double quick time. You'd think that I wouldn't be like that. If you doubt your ability, you should be hanging back on the achievements. But I'm not. I'm wanting it to happen yesterday. For it to hurry up.

So, this post is all about me facing the fact that most of the people I admire, are those who've had the difficult road but hung in there, smiled, taken time to be nice, and still achieved. This is something I need to take on board. I need to smile, be nice to people, and allow things to take their own sweet time...if I hang in there, I might achieve my goals, like my heroes.

Friday, June 19, 2015

Phallic Friday - group sex

This week's fetish is group sex. And yes, it's exactly as it sounds...having sex in a group.

And if you've ever wondered at the popularity of this fetish, then do a little Google search 'fetish & group sex' and you might be surprised how many porn and video sites you get! I was. Most times when I Google, I get info sites...but not with this fetish.

Group sex is one of those things people talk about when they're listing their fantasies - it's not something they'd do, but it's something they think about. For each person, the attraction may be different. It might be the exhibitionism (having sex where others can watch) that is attractive, or the voyeurism (watching others have sex) and they're both fetishes in their own right which are coming up for discussion in a few weeks. For some it's the multiple partner aspect, or the group dynamic, or the writhing mass of bodies all with the same objective, or just having sex with others doing the same is the turn on. Sometimes it can be linked with D/s where the submissive is involved at the Dominants request - the Dominant may be watching or may be involved.

Group sex can be linked up with other fetishes too. The Google search seemed to turn up all sorts of other fetishes linked with group sex - feet fetishes, furries, bondage, just to name a few.

There's such an interconnectedness with fetishes. I guess that's because people are multi-faceted and have lots of interests and lots of arousal points. The brain is an incredible organ, and arousal can occur differently in different people...but also differently on different days/with different partners within the same person.

I've learned so much doing these posts, just thinking about each fetish and why that particular thing might cause arousal. I've got all kinds of ideas for my book, but it's also made me think more openly about what might excite a person.

I find the thought of group sex quite overwhelming. I'm a bit of a thinker, so often get lost in my own thoughts, and imagining a group sex scene almost fries the circuitry. I don't know if I could relax my brain enough to feel and react, rather than observe and think and be amazed! Maybe it's different being involved in group sex, rather than just thinking about being involved in group sex.

If you've read Lana, I took that story into a group sex scene (on a small scale) and that was pretty fun to write. I might have to write more group sex scenes...make my circuitry work! :)

Are you a fan of group work?

Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Wildlife Wednesday - slugs

I think I might have done slugs ages ago when they used to visit my dogs' feed bowls and gross me out. Since the dogs died, I haven't seen too many slugs but the other day Mr E took this photo for me (I'm rubbing off on him!).

We had to dig up some plumbing to fix a broken pipe. This is 2" pipe, and Mr E was amazed at how huge the slug was...and he said it had shrunk considerable when he went to get the camera.

The ones that dined on the leftovers each night would be anywhere from 10 - 15 cm and 2 cm wide. The hugest slugs I'd ever seen. (And yeah, I've no idea why I saw these every night and Mr E never did - maybe he came home and never went outside again).

This is an introduced slug called the Leopard Slug. You can find out more from the Australian Museum here. They say they grow to 20 cm and feed on dead animal tissue, cat food and pet faeces (I knew I loathed them for a reason - what a diet!).

Slugs and snails are hermaphrodites, meaning they have both male and female reproductive organs. When they mate, they become entwined and lower themselves from a branch on a thread of mucous to exchange sperm. When it's done, they lift themselves back up by eating the mucous thread (yep, great diet!)

Slugs are never going to make it to my favourite critter list. Snails I have no problem with. And yeah, I can't explain that either! :)

PS State of Origin game 2 is on tonight. Coops is out for Qld, so I'm thinking NSW have a bit of a chance...but in Melbourne, where Qld have just spent 10 days drumming up fans and NSW haven't done much for the fans, I won't be holding my breath for a NSW win. At least with Coops out, Mr E won't think I'm cheering for Qld!

Friday, June 12, 2015

Phallic Friday - hairlessness

Today's fetish is about shaving and/or hairlessness, which is acomophilia (if you want complete hairlessness) or acomoclitic (if it's just hairless genitals). I guess with acomoclitic it's mostly about the appeal of the pre-pubescent, but there can also be an element of 'cleanliness', an OCD component, and/or the dislike of any coarse touch.

The more I'm investigating these fetishes, the more I think there are so many inter-related fetishes, that it's difficult to really separate one from another.

Or maybe it's the fact that people are particular about what they lumping likes into one category isn't quite as simple as the world would like.

If you're interested in this fetish, there's an interesting article here, written by a professor who studies obsessive or extreme behaviours.

There seems to be a fetish for women liking bald men, men liking bald women, people liking hairless genitals, and people liking hairless people, some even preferring it in more I've probably not thought/read about.

I wonder if society has 'exacerbated' this preference for hairlessness with photoshopping images so that no body hair 'destroys' the image? Particularly with women, there's a societal expectation to have no visible under arm hair, leg hair, or public hair, plus eyebrows should be tamed. Just this week, some celebrity was mentioned for attending an event in a sleeveless shirt/dress which showed their underarm hair. There's also been recent media articles about women choosing not to shave/depilate (Not sure if I've made that word up...but there's depilation and depilatory, so surely there's depilate!)...yet why is this worthy of attention?

I guess the Brazilian waxing has been around forever...well, at least back to ancient Egypt where hair removal was for hygienic purposes. So maybe modern society isn't to blame.

It's an interesting fetish...and one I'm going to think about more. I thought more about genital hairlessness than about bald maybe my story needs to incorporate some bald heads, not just bodies.

Are you into hair or no hair? Or does it depend on which body part?

And does acomophilia/acomoclitic make you think of old guys with comb overs? :)

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Wildlife Wednesday - sea foam

Okay, so I'm making a bit of a stretch today because sea foam is hardly wildlife...but it's something that has me a bit fascinated, and repulsed.

The ocean has always fascinated me. As a kid I loved swimming and mostly swam in a salt water pool, our local pool. We lived near a river, holidayed on a river, and spent days at ocean beaches. So water is a big part of all my childhood memories.

I moved inland when I finished uni, which took me away from the water I knew, but I discovered inland waterways that were equally fascinating (even if the fish tasted muddy!). But now I've moved back to the coast and I live right near a river, and right near the beach. So it's perfect for remembering great days as a kid.

But I've no memory of sea foam!

We probably never went to the beach after bad weather because when we went to the beach we went to swim. But living near the beach, I try to go whatever the weather, and it's not all about swimming any more.

After rough and/or stormy weather, we have tonnes of sea foam. It's like a dirty detergent. It makes the bottom of my feet dirtier than usual, and the top gets a gooey kind of film on it...and depending how high those pesky waves hit me, it can go right up my legs!

So what is sea foam?

Sea foam, also called spume, is caused by turbulence in sea water, particularly if the sea water has a lot of dissolved organic matter in it. Dissolved organic matter can come naturally from the breakdown of algae and other sea life, but more likely from man-made sources such as stormwater run-off and ocean spills. Stormwater run-off can contain lots of plant material, like dead leaves, plants that have washed away from river banks or gutters, as well as more commonly thought of pollutants, like excess detergents and fertilisers.

So the presence of sea foam after storms or rough conditions is 'natural' because the sea has to be churned up to create it - which is what happens in storms/rough conditions.

On my beach, the sea foam generally only lasts a day or so after the storms have passed. It's all the other rubbish tossed up onto the beach that lasts a lot longer! Mostly I pick up a few bits and pieces of rubbish on the beach, but after a week of storms, you have to take a garbage bag and still you'd hardly make a dint in the rubbish.

My greatest fear is that we're slowly killing our planet, and we don't give a damn so long as our life is 'easy' with all the mod cons. I've no idea how I can change that. As one person I do the best I can, but to function in society, it's very difficult to stick to a simple life. I add to the abundance of sea foam...and that annoys me.

Sunday, June 7, 2015

Sunday Story - To Kill A Mockingbird

Cover of the book showing title in white letters against a black background in a banner above a painting of a portion of a tree against a red backgroundI know it's old, and not an erotic story, but my classics book club decided we'd re-read To Kill A Mockingbird ahead of Harper Lee's new release.

I was scared to re-read it. It was one of my favourite books at school and I wasn't sure it would stand the test of time - would I like it still as an adult with so many different experiences and knowledge behind me?

I read it hesitantly...but I'm pleased to say that I still loved it. That's given me confidence to re-read some of my other favourites now :)

But it also brought up some issues. Not only the book, but a friend's comment about her child have added to my thoughts. My friend's child said he admired his mother's convictions and the way she fought for what she believed in. This is one of the themes in the book too, so it was already on my mind.

When I was a child, I had so many righteous convictions. I wrote letters to everyone you could possibly imagine to tell them what I thought about a particular topic - newspapers, politicians, the Queen, even the Pope. The Pope is memorable because of the simplicity of my idea. I'd heard something about the Pope condemning Santa Claus and I was horrified (forget what age I was but maybe 10 or so). I wrote to him and told him that if more people believed in Santa, the world might be a better place because Santa was the epitome of the generosity of spirit the world lacked - Santa went out of his way to give gifts to every child in the world regardless of their race, creed, colour, financial status, all off his own bat. If the Pope encouraged the belief in Santa, people might be a bit nicer. (Of course my wording would have been much different but the sentiment was that).

At Uni I was involved in much letter-writing and activism, mostly on environmental issues as that's what I was studying, but I was also interested in humanity and Amnesty International caught my interest too.

And now...I'm the biggest fence-sitter in the world. What happened to me in those 20 years?

I've been trying to come up with an answer...and I can't. I don't remember a single incident where I became disenchanted or anything, but over the years I've slowly waned in fighting for what I believe in, and I've turned it all internal. I rarely express a heated or devisive opinion. I prefer to leave everyone to their own opinions and not discuss it.

I know my opinions often differ to the maybe over time this wore me down. Maybe the fact that no action was taken on most things I fought for also wore me down. I don't know.

I'm cynical. And Silent.

I'd like to think if I was handed a difficult trial, like Atticus Finch was, I'd rise to the challenge and fight hard for what was right. But I think I'd be more like Miss Maudie and keep away from the trial when you don't believe you'll win, and my biggest protest would be making little veiled comments to people.

But it saddens me to think that as an adult I've lost my fight for what's right. Although, it was hinted at in the book. Jem was distraught after the trial, sobbing inconsolably because he believed right would be done because his father had proved what had happened. When right didn't prevail, Jem couldn't understand, railed against it, then went quiet as he tried to process the world he was living in. Atticus explained this to Scout, and said that Jem would come back to normal when he understood what happened.

I think I'd prefer to be like Jem pre-understanding the world, where he railed against injustice...but maybe that isn't sustainable. Maybe part of growing up is recognising that the world is not fair and there isn't a lot you can do about the big picture, you can only change your little patch.

I don't know the answer...but I miss having convictions. I miss voicing my opinion. Maybe I need to rant more on my blog to find my beliefs again. Then maybe I can fight in a bigger patch.

Do you fight for what you believe in? Has this changed as you've gotten older?

Friday, June 5, 2015

Phallic Friday - extreme D/s

Today's fetish is the extreme forms of Dominance/submission. This may not necessarily be a full time commitment, but it's taking the Dominance and/or submissive roles to the extreme.

Lily Malone alerted me to this article a couple of weeks ago, which I thought fell under the extreme D/s category we're exploring this week. This article is about a male-female relationship where she wears a dog collar and he takes her for walks, with his four-legged dog. The article explains that the collar-wearing is consensual and that they agreed to that before they entered into a relationship. They claim that it's not a sexual act, but just the way they are.

Wearing a sign of 'ownership' is often a part of a D/s relationship, and can be the sign that 'play is on' - a sign that both parties recognise as the commencement of their D/s play (this is especially handy if you aren't in a full time D/s relationship). It doesn't need to be a dog collar as in the article. It can be a piece of jewellery, an item of clothing or the loss of an item of clothing, it can be anything you decide. And no one else may know if the significance, making it all the more exciting and enticing.

I think rape fantasies that many D/s relationships play out fall under this category too. It can be an extreme form of D/s, if taken to a certain level. Although I think rape fantasies can be disassociated with D/s as all depends on you and your fantasy.

The key is that in healthy D/s relationships, no matter how extreme, there is discussion and communication between the parties, and all know and understand what they're becoming involved in, at every step along the way.

Sadism also falls under the extreme D/s fetish (although I guess it is it's own fetish too) - where a submissive can be hurt/injured for the sexual arousal of the Dominant. It's a consensual act, where the submissive has agreed to certain possibilities of the play (e.g. they may agree to whipping but not cutting, or bruising but not in obvious places, they may agree to being tied, bound, gagged, and taken by force, or any other acts the Dominant may desire). This is not something decided on the fly - it's discussed before sexual play, preferably in a non-threatening environment.

I recently read The Saint by Tiffany Reisz. It deals beautifully with an extreme D/s relationship (and a forbidden one) where the Dom is a sadist. He's also in a position of power over the girl, he was her priest, and at no stage in the story did he abuse his power with her. He gave her knowledge and resisted having sex with her until he considered that she had enough experience to be able to 'cope' with what he wanted from her...which was extreme. But it's so powerfully written that although the sex was incredibly rough and confronting, you had to respect the sadist for their care. No matter how much pleasure he took from her injuries, he ensured her safety at every single step.

That's the power of an extreme D/s relationship, I think. You're both free to get to your most basest instincts, knowing the person you're with will accept you, keep you safe, and allow you the freedom to explore your darkest fantasies, or needs.

Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Wildlife Wednesday - Green Vegetable bug

Sorry I'm late. I had to do a computer upgrade and that's just a nightmare - for me anyway! It's going to take me weeks to get the hang of all this new stuff, not to mention find everything!!

So, anyway, today is a little bug, which I think is a Green Vegetable Bug, but you know me and ID. You can check out the Australian Museum site here and see what you think.

They use their mouth parts to pierce plants and suck out the juices - the original juice diet :)

We live near a river, so I make a little visit down there about once a year to collect ribbon weed to use as mulch for my garden. I checked the legislation and you are allowed to do this in small doses :)

So I went the other week and grabbed a great pile of weed at low tide. Then I came home and hosed it down to get rid of as much salt as I could, then I thickly coated my garden in mulch.

In the weed was this bug. I was a bit surprised as I wasn't expecting live critters in the dead weed, so I'm not sure where he came from but he was pretty!

On a completely different note: my neighbour is chopping down all his gums that lined his driveway right next to my house. These trees were the homes to many of the birds who featured on Wildlife Wednesday...not sure how my bird visitor numbers will go now. I'm a bit my office is going to get awfully hot in summer. PS. Not all the trees went - just a couple. Phew!