Phallic Friday - anal sex

Confession time again - anal sex is one of my favourites because it's rough, gritty, taboo and dashed with a slice of pain. I love writing anal sex scenes because I can teeter on that pleasure pain threshold tipping it either way.

But I've never published an anal sex scene. Why not? Because mine aren't like the others, and I haven't got the courage to show mine to the light of day yet.


So, I had this conversation with another erotic author who does a lot of anal sex scenes - and you know, erotic authors have these kinds of conversations.

Kaliana Cole writes stories often with multiple males for a female, and they're ripping stories. I love them. And her anal sex scenes are gritty... but she has these huge lead ups where the woman is "educated" and "prepared" for anal sex. (In mine it just happens). So, Kaliana Cole and I have this conversation that goes something like this -

Me: I think you do amazing anal scenes but why all the build up to it? Why not just do it?

KC (with a shocked kind of expression): Because you have to get people ready for it.

Me: you do? What's wrong with a bit of lube and touching?

KC: No, not the character, the reader. (she must see that I still have no idea) If you look at statistics, most women who have had anal sex have had a bad experience.

Me: Stats?

KC: You know, polls in women's magazines, stuff on the internet, stories you hear. So, you have to get the reader past their bad experience and into a mindset where they can enjoy the anal sex.


Okay... so maybe the conversation was a bit more in depth than this and filled with more stats and more evidence and more detail... but you get the drift.

I write what I want to write - and I hadn't even considered the readers.

Kaliana Cole has done her work and considers her readers, targetting to stories and her scenes to meet what a reader wants.

This was a revelation to me (and seriously, it shouldn't have been, but you do know I'm slow on the uptake, don;t you?) because I was writing for me... not for anyone else.

So, tomorrow I have a book going live. A book I wrote for me, without any consideration for readers. Thankfully there's no rough, gritty, painful anal sex in it... but you know... I'm a bit scared. Is what I like so different to other people's tastes? My contest feedback seems to suggest that at least 33% of the population will hate what I write (I always get at least one judge who hates my story enough to give 50-60% marks). So that means one third of all reviews will be awful. Which means I won't look.

Which takes me back to anal sex - why do I like it gritty, rough, with a dash of pain? It's kind of a bit like my writing life - I must be a masochist!

So... do you have any views on anal sex, or writing and the joy of pain! :)

4 days to go...

Sorry not to have a Wildlife Wednesday but I'm attacked by a winter lurgy.

I'm hoping this chest will make me feel better - do you think I could just lie my head on it, please?

Story Sunday

Next Sunday The Virginity Mission will be out. So I thought I'd leave you this week with some pictures from the mangroves part of my trip.

But before the pictures, this is the last entry in my diary of what I took away from the trip -

I'm not going to be getting back into old habits. I'm going to get out and do things. Spend my money, live it up. That's what I've learnt this trip, that it's the things you do on impulse that you enjoy the most, and the things you do from heart and guts that get you the furthest. Thinking about things delays, causes anxiety and generally helps you chicken out of thrills and action. So from now on, my heart is ruling my head and I'm going to have heaps and heaps of fun!

Ah, yes, maybe I need those words tattooed on my forehead - or my hand, where I'm more likely to see them! Although, I must have spent my money because I have not much in my bank account. :)  I still do things on impulse (much to my husband's despair - he's the ultimate planner). So maybe I did remember some of what I learned.

I hope you enjoy The Virginity Mission, out 1 June.

Some of the roots of the mangroves

High tide and the mangrove system

Me on one of the zodiaks we zoomed around in

A waterhole on the walk 'home'

Phallic Friday - erotic writing

I learned something this week - erotic writers are fiercely protective of their genre. They fight hard and dirty when people seem to be against what they write, or denigrating what they write. I guess I always knew they were but until I saw it happen I wasn't aware of the ferocity.

Erotica has become a "big" seller in the e-marketplace. Quite a few writers have jumped on the popularity of erotic stories so they can make money. Some of these writers have probably made that decision based on dollars and haven't worked through whatever it is you have to work through to become happy/proud to be writing in the genre.

Some weeks ago I wrote a post about writing fears, here. I wasn't sure what I was writing or how to write about it. But now I think about it more, there was something I had to work through (I'm slow so it took about 20 years!) to go from writing erotica for myself, to writing erotica in a "marketplace" and accepting people's negative reactions to that information/story.

All writing shares a part of you with complete strangers. No matter what you write, a part of you ends up in the story - maybe as a character trait, maybe a theme, maybe the surroundings, the weather, an observation you made, a person you know, an experience you had. Some little part of you is shared.

As an erotic writer, this is no different. What is different is people's reaction to what is shared. I think that because details of sex and intimacy are rarely shared beyond a select group (often just the 2 people involved), there seems to be an assumption that by writing erotica, you're sharing your own experiences, rather than like any other book just a sliver of yourself.

Aussie erotic author Kate Belle talked about her experience here, where someone asked if her book depicted how she actually lost her virginity. Do people assume we have to use fact and not our imaginations because it's erotica? Or are they after a bit of gossip? Or do they think they're original and the question is funny?

I'm particularly concerned about the question Kate was asked because my story is also a loss of virginity story. And just to be clear, it's not how I lost mine. My story is based on a trip I did, which I guess could lead people to think everything in it is fact. But the trip is the sliver of me in this story. You can't give everything about yourself away in one story!


However popular erotic writing is with readers, it seems some readers like it for its voyeuristic opportunities. I guess I have to toughen up for that!

And maybe erotic writers need to let the negative criticisms wash over them. If we're happy with what we're doing, maybe we should smile secretly and make people wonder about what they're missing!