Tuesday, March 21, 2023

Censorship & Writing Struggles

For longer than I've been Cate Ellink, I've struggled with the abundance of shame, horror, and shock piled on me because I want to write about sex. I am Cate Ellink because of this; my family's reaction to me using my real name was extreme, and not something I expected. And in 13 years, it hasn't lessened.

Today I typed in my website address. There's the adult warning (as usual) and I click that. But now I get something where I must sign in and my sign in must have a credit card linked to it so that they know I'm over 18.

My heart breaks. Again.

Who will ever find my website?

I can't post links to my blog posts on social media because it shows a broken webpage image and no one looks at those (and you'd now have to log in, etc etc).

I can't advertise my book covers using social media ads because there are naked chests.

The use of the word 'virginity' in the title caused so much trouble with advertising that it never happened (it couldn't happen).

I pay the same amount of money to host this site as I do my other one. One is freely open to all, and this is shoved in the shadows in the corner and hidden.

And fuck... I haven't killed anyone. There's no aggressive violence or hate views expressed. No, those would be fucking okay.

I talk about sex. A freaking natural act that somehow causes extreme reactions - more so than death, violence, or hate speech.

My writing has been down the gurgler ... and it's no wonder. Why would you write when you're so shunned for what you write about?

The fight to normalise nature is fucking exhausting.

Why can't we ban the bloody awful things human beings to do each other - like war, violence, rape, hate, abuse? Why is nature so shunned?

If my website goes...does it matter? Probably not to anyone but me. It's a record for me, of my journey along this path. I've so many incredible memories of sharing discussions, thoughts, discoveries, and nature. 

I'm sad today. So sad.