Sunday Story - stories

I watched a documentary last week on SBS, Life On Earth From Space (https://www.sbs.com.au/ondemand/program/life-of-earth-from-space). It was fascinating...but I'm not sure I had the desired reaction.

I may be because I'm reading two quite different books, Songlines by Margo Neale and Lynne Kelly and The Akashic Records by Sandra Anne Taylor. I don't usually read two books at once, but I had started Songlines when I had this strange message in my head that I had to start the Akashic record book that a friend had given me. I usually listen to teh strange feelings I get...and this one was a little wild...and then got wilder.

So, Songlines is about our First Nations people and their record-keeping through stories, Dreamtime, and Songlines. It's fascinating. Then I starte dteh Akashic Records, and it's telling me about how every soul has a record that's kept, but not just poeple, everey animal, tree, plant, all beings have these records. And they're accesible through the energy fields.

And because these two books are being read together (so to speak) that information seemed to be wove together. The Akashic Records, a term coined in the late 1700s (I think) and coming from maybe Eastern mysticism, parrallels the ancestral story keeping of Australia's First Nations people.

Wow.

How many times as I have been reading things, does it hark back to a twist on some ancient knowledge that earlier peoples had? Heaps. And it's kind of amazing, at the same time as horrifying.

When I began my first agricultural research job, I had to do a literature review on the topic. I foudn a research paper from 1909 (I think, around the turn of the century anyway) that had doen a very similar experiment to what I was doing. I remember saying to my boss, "What? We're doing what they did 90 years ago?"

All these thoughts were churning in my mind, when I watched the documentary. In it, they were giving the 'story' of how earth was created, and the moon, showing how some oof the evidence to support the 'story' was from samples collected from space. And yet, as they explained the formation of earth and the moon, the atmosphere, the oceans, and life...there were gaps. Massive gaps in the story. We don't really know how atmospheric particles became single-cell organisms, but they did. I was a bit astounded by this. A 'scientific' show with these leaps over holes.

And I began to wonder...

do we know any more today than the ancient people knew back then?

We claim to be a civilised society with a wealth of knowledge, blah blah, but we can't explain Stonehenge or the Pyramids, the Easter Island carvings. Creations from ancient times, which we've been taught were far less civilised times.

Are we kidding ourselves?

Are we just constantly telling ourselves stories about how fantastic we are, when we know less than others have known before us?

Is science just story telling?

Have I always been a story telling - even when I thought I'd had a vastly different past and done a total career-flip?

My mind is spinning like a top.

It's been a while...

Oh boy, blog, I've neglected you for a long time. 

Words aren't doing it for me at the moment - writing, speaking or reading them.

Why? 

I think it's a processing thing in my brain. I noticed when I was learning new things about writing, I couldn't write until they'd settled into my head properly. And I think this is similar.

In the last 2 years, life's jumbled itself all up. Well, actually, that's not something new for me :) But it's not just my life this time, it's the life all around me that's jumbled. And that's taking time to process.

I was thinking today, that maybe there is nothing to process. Maybe I should be looking at/after myself and working on me, and forgetting about the wider world.

I'm one of those people who can see most sides to things, especially when I remain somewhat detached and unemotional. So, I can see why people are upset about everything that happening. I can understand why people take things as a personal attack, rather than a wider societal thing. I see people's view when they say something is their #1 priority - even if I don't share that view. I can understand why people are deperate for a vaccine, and I can understand when they don't want one. And that's been hell in my brain.

My poor brain is like an old computer churning through data trying to make sense and see a way forward in the program.

Sometimes, there isn't a way forward that harmonious or even a satisfying compromise. I think this is where my words are stuck.

And so I'm falling into nature and capturing the joy I feel there in images. It's like every day is a Wildflife Wednesday.

And I apologise for not being here, not writing, not finding words or stories. I'm managing the chaos of life my way, so I can find joy every day and continue to find happiness in living.

I hope you're also finding pieces of happiness and joy even in this chaos.

Australian Magpie

Currawong

Australian Pelican

Rainbows in waves

Windblown sand

Driftwood

Silver Gull

Sunday Story - me and romance

I read a book this week that i was loving - witty banter, unbelievable chemistry, a huge conflict. I was so sold on it. I was devouring it, loving every word...

and then...

I hated it.

OMG. Why?

It's got so many fabulous reviews and readers love it. It's by relatively 'big-name' romance authors. I should have loved it because everyone else seemed to be, so what happened to me?

The female was disempowered. In a book that was all about the hero helping her and empowering here, the conflict disempowered her in such a way that it crushed me. It seemed to go against everything that it had been leading up to do... but it was subtle, and kind of went with the conflict, so it worked... just not for me.

I don't want to bag out the book, or single it out because romance is full of books that do the same thing, but I do want to explain my issue. So I'll try to do that in general terms.

Hero and heroine are both outsiders in their families. They bond because of this and the issues that arise from the ostracising. The heroine helps the hero in quiet, private ways, and in public, he pretty much sorts his own shit out.

The heroine... well, she doesn't sort her own shit out. The hero 'saves' her. Not only does he cover for her, he then tells her brother that she needs help and insists that the mother does too. So the brother 'forces' the heroine and her mother into counselling, which sorts all the issues out. Does the brother also go to counselling? NO. Did the heroine take charge of her life and organise her own counselling? No. Did the hero help her in private as she'd done for him? No.

The men sorted their own shit out, themselves, in private spaces. 

The women had to deal with theirs publicly, and then go to counselling that had to be forced onto them, and the males involved did not need this counselling.

Why do we (as women romance writers) do this?

We are perpetuating the "useless" female stereotype that the patriarchy dishes up to us.

Can't we do better??????

I know the conflict doesn't happen on a grand scale unless this all gets aired publicly... but do we need that conflict as readers? Do we need to have the women humiliated and then saved by the men they love? 

*sob*

This is why I don't fit easily into romance. This is why I struggle to read the most popular romance titles.

I want to empower the females in my stories.

I want my women to save themselves.

I want them to be as strong as their men, or stronger.

It may have taken me a bloody long time to work out exactly what was fucking my brain up with romance, but I think I'm getting it worked out. My idea of romance is something completely different to the genre and the fairy tale.

I need to write what makes my heart sing. That's what I'll be doing. Proudly. With my brave pants on!

How do you like your romance?

A Bigger Picture and Fear

If you've been reading my mad ramblings for a while, you'll probably know I've been on some spiritual path for a while. I stumbled into it to write a story and haven't untangled myself, or the story, yet! So this is a post about how the most unlikely book can stir up things inside me.

I picked up Malcolm Turnbull's book, A Bigger Picture. If you're not Australian, he was a recent Prime Minister of Australia and has been in politics for quite a time. I'm not usually into biography/ autobiography/ memoir because I often feel like a voyeur while reading and it makes me uncomfortable. However, I saw an interview with him about the book and the political issues he claimed to discuss in the book made me sit up and take notice.

Politics frustrates the hell out of me because most of the time I think they're all idiots who are only after their own agendas and have no 'public service' in their mind. They speak in language that says nothing yet uses lots of key or buzz words. They're masters at not answering a question. But... I'm not going to go on or I may not stop!

To pick up this book was not my usual mode. However, I loved reading it. It's exceptionally well-written. Turnbull is brutally honest in his opinions. He sheds lights on things that I didn't quite understand from the media reports and the events in politics. It's an absolutely fascinating read. I'm not sure that everything occurred exactly as he states, but I'm certain he believes what he has written. It's so brutally honest, raw, and opinionated. And no one has spoken of suing him - that makes me more convinced that it contains a lot of fact, evidence behind the scenes, and truth.

In reading this, I began to understand the far right of the Liberal party and the way they act. This was particularly relevant when he spoke of Tony Abbot's time as Prime Minister and some of the world events that occurred. It also dove-tailed into an awakening I had when listening to Tony Birch speak at the Wollongong Writers Festival in November 2019, which I mentioned at the end of this post (http://www.cateellink.com/2020/02/sunday-story-white-girl.html).

Fear. Bullying. Loudly stated opinions as fact. Not allowing change. Believing they are right. Illogical arguments. Picking fights.

These seemed to be the things that Turnbull and Birch identified as being traits of the Far Right.

I recognise these things but I've often overlapped them with the 'patriarchy' because I hadn't consciously noticed that they were different things. In my mind, the Far Right are men. But that's not true. Which is quite a realisation for me.

I spoke to Mr E of all of this. And I said something like, "There's so many of these Far Right people, they're stopping things happening." He's a strange man to discuss things with because when he doesn't agree with me, there's this stony silence, which is what I came across. "Aren't they everywhere?" I asked. "You're telling the story," was his reply, which is code for, "I think you're bloody insane."

So, this put me back on my haunches. If he didn't see these crazy loud people, everywhere, bombastically shoving their opinion down everyone's throat, why did I?

I've always maintained that I refuse to live in fear. I've pushed myself to do things to overcome my fears. And this is for adventure activities like sky diving, but also the every day things like ringing up tradespeople, making appointments, talking to strangers.

But why did these things make me fearful? Mr E didn't seem to have these things as a 'fear' just an every day thing. Why were we different?

In some instances, I think there is a gender issue. In others, a country vs city upbringing can account for things. Age may account for a few too. But there were still a lot of things that weren't accounted for by these differences.

I had to look at my upbringing, the people who surrounded me while I was growing up and growing into adulthood. I had to look at myself too, and how I stood in these circles.

I don't like loud noises - and looking at a couple of youngsters in my family, this may not just be a me thing. So I'm sensitive to people shouting. I notice them. I keep away from them. In a way, I fear them because they hurt my ear drums. And as a child you can't ask someone to keep their voice down because you have no power. You suck it up or get away...but it enforces your powerlessness.

The Catholic Church revolves around fear. If you do this, you'll go to hell. No forgiveness and you won't get to heaven. So many rule breakings have dire consequences. Punishment, repentance, sin, these are all huge factors in the teachings of the Church. Love, kindness, care are also present but seem to have much less focus and a much softer touch. Plus, in my early years, very few sermons spoke of love; fire and brimstone were far more loud, powerful, scary. Plus...how much of the symbolism in the Catholic Church is themed in violence and barbaric acts - the stations of the cross, the crucifixion, the fact that the Crucifixion image is displayed front and centre of every Church in all it's horror. I understand that the crucifixion is supposed to symbolise sacrifice, but holy heck, the Christ in my Church was vivid with his spear wound, bloody harrowed face, crown of thorns piercing his scalp, nails in hands and feet, knee broken. Thsi wasn't sacrifice, this was barbaric violence. I know there are other images of love, and the whole Mother Mary is about love, but what sort of balance does it have to a child? For me, the violence and the horror is what comes first to mind - even now.

I've spoken before about my grandfather having Labor party affiliation...but also that he hated the left (Communism), and I wonder how far to the right were his beliefs. The older men in my extended family were those who believed they ruled the roost, and some of these men were violent (but so were a lot of men in Australia, particularly those of English/Irish heritage). I didn't see this violence, but I wonder if I picked up on it. I did hear stories of this - but I don't know how old I was when I heard them, certainly while I lived at home.

I worked in a male dominated industry where a lot of men shouted loudly to be heard, to force their opinions onto others, to make sure they had power. I don't have a loud voice, but if I said something they disagreed with, they'd just start talking over me to drown me out. My refusal to live in fear, often made me try to express my views, but I rarely succeeded except by being sneaky (e.g. only speaking at events without their presence).

And when I start unteasing all of that, I saw why I believed there are so many of the Far Right affecting the world - because they affected my world as I grew, and I remain attuned to that. I'm sensitive to them. I avoid them, even as they ping loudly on my radar. And I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I don't want to live in a world ruled by them. I'm not even comfortable having them near me.

Which brings me to see that my whole life has had 'fear' as a focal point. It's why I've struggled with Cate and writing erotic stories. Why breaking from society's bounds has caused me such grief. It's not been grief, it's been fear. I may not be jumping out of a plane to conquer my fear of heights...it's much worse, I'm stepping outside of the box, not knowing where someone might scold me, rouse on me, ostracise me, abuse me, point me out. All those things I feared as a child are coming up again. All those things that as a child I hid from and avoided were brought to the surface during Tony Abbot's Prime Ministerial stint even though I didn't truly understand my reaction to the climate.

And this is how books affect me. A seemingly innocent book opened up a whole load of baggage I needed to unpack.

This is also why I love books. Who knew that a story, a memoir, could pack such a punch!

Thanks for a fabulously insightful read, Malcolm Turnbull.

How do books affect you? Have you read A Bigger Picture?

Sunday Story - The White Girl

I'm a big fan of Tony Birch. His latest book is The White Girl, and it's beautiful.

He writes about topics that are difficult, e.g. domestic violence, child abuse, poverty, and this one is the Stolen Generation. But his genius is that he writes about these topics from the point of view of love.

It's not what you expect. And yet, it is how you get through difficult times or difficult things in life.

The love of a parent for a child, or a child for a parent. The love between siblings. The love of friends. The love between family members.

In each instance, the love and care and support each receives, makes their world a better place.

This is the gift that Tony Birch has, to see that love and to shine a light on it.

It can be a fierce love or a gentle love but always it's a protective love. Love that makes the world a better place. Love that makes life tolerable and sometimes beautiful... even in a situation that seems unbearable.

Deep friendships.

Strong familial connections.

Love.

It makes the world go around.

In The White Girl, the love is focussed between a grandmother and granddaughter. But there's also the love between mother and daughter, friends, a community, a race.

Don't be mistaken, there are some horrible moments, awful people, terrible events, but seeing them through the story about love, makes them less of a focus. They're still there. They're still awful and confronting and horrible. They still show what a bloody awful society we are. But love gives hope - hope that things can and will change. Hope that one day love might rule the world.

I saw Tony Birch speak at the Wollongong Writers Festival and he spoke of love, but also of fear. His conversations about fear really hit me.

Often the awfulness of the world comes from fear - fear of the unknown, fear of loss, fear of having less than another, fear of change, fear of others... so many fears.

I hope one day, we can all live from a place of love and not fear. Like Tony Birch shows with his every story.

Sunday Story - Mary Magdalene Revealed

I've had this book, Mary Magdalene Revealed by Meggan Watterson, sitting on my e-reader for quite some time. It can take ages for me to get through my To Be Read pile of physical and e-books! I'm so glad this book popped onto the "open and Read" portion of my brain.

This book feels like the missing link, for me, between religion and woo-woo, alternate spiritual practices. Let me try to explain.

Meggan Watterson's book explains how she interprets the Gospel Of Mary, one of the gnostic gospels that was discovered in the late nineteenth century, buried in Egypt. (You can find more info here).

I haven't read the Gospel itself, but I will need to.

According to Meggan Watterson's book, there were other teachings that Jesus Christ of Nazareth gave to his followers that are not included in the New Testament. The First Council of Nicea, held in 325CE, was a meeting of bishops who tried to find consensus for this fast-developing Christian religion. Many gospels were omitted from the Bible, and ordered destroyed but some monks who no doubt were as book-loving as me, could not destroy them, so buried them.

Why some were chosen and others weren't is subject to conjecture, as the reasons were not recorded (or have not been made known if they were). Looking at the Church now, the Catholic Church particularly, power may have been a major driver and so slanting the stories to give maximum control of the people to those 'in charge' was probably a reason.

Watterson is a theological scholar, with an interest in the Divine Feminine. So much of what she had searched for in the traditional Christian teachings, is what I've questioned throughout my life. My questions have been along these lines:

• Why are women excluded from so much of the Church, when Jesus preached compassion (e.g. feeding masses with loaves and fishes) and equality (e.g. not casting stones)? 
• Why is St Paul revered when he's so blatantly anti-women in so many of his letters, which always felt against the Jesus I thought I knew from the Gospels? 
• Why was Peter the revered apostle, and first Pope, when he disowned Jesus three times?

I'm starting to get these answers reading this book. Answers to questions I've asked for 40 years LOL! I remember sitting with Fr T in his study, discussing Bible passages, and my incessant questioning had him chewing on the end of his pipe, sucking in deep breaths, and pausing as he framed an answer. I was in high school when he introduced me to his brother, also a priest but one who'd studied a lot of theology, and we had further discussions. This is years after I begged to be an altar boy, and scored becoming a reader instead (because girls were not allowed to serve on the altar - that has changed now!).

This book explains that Mary's descriptions of Jesus's teachings were about developing a deeper understanding about what love is, what self is, and that the world is a place to go deep into your heart and live in a way that tries to unite your humanity and your soul (or the spiritual).

And this then is the perfect link to paganism, so many Eastern religious teachings, the so-called New Age movement.

Religion is not a power game, a patriarchal system focussed on removing sin through suffering, punishment and penance.

It's truly about searching your inner being for flaws and trying to do better tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

It's about loving yourself, and loving everyone else. It's about seeing yourself as made from divine, therefore also divine, and trying to live to achieve that.

Religion has always felt like a power struggle for me, with so little focus on self and love - even though they were (for me anyway) the key messages of Jesus. This Gospel of Mary takes the power out of religion, and puts it back on self and love.

And truly, that feels like the real meaning of life.

Can I become the best person I can be? Can I love myself and others, fully?

Have you read this book?

Sunday Story - The Wife and The Widow

Last year at StoryFest, I took my husband to a panel of crime writers because he reads crime and I wanted to show him what this writing world was about. He'd read 2 of the 3 panelists, who were Candace Fox and Michael Robotham. The third panelist was Christian White, who we hadn't heard of. By the end of the night, we wanted to read his books. He was a great speaker - humble, quick witted, relaxed, knowledgeable.

So, I bought both his books for Mr E for Christmas - The Nowhere Child, and The Wife and The Widow.

When Mr E reads a book, he puts it down and I say, "How was that?" and he replies, "Yeah, okay." That's pretty much the same regardless of what book he's read. I could spend a day talking about a book I've loved, and he gives maybe a few more words than 2...but not many! So when he finished The Nowhere Child, put it on the couch next to me and said, "Can you read this so we can talk about the ending?" I was on it. I put aside what I was reading and read it.

Then he was reading The Wife and The Widow, and he gasped and said, "Oh, I didn't pick that twist." Now, he never gives away anything when he's reading, so you can imagine how eagerly I needed to get my hands on that book - even though I was reading the other one! LOL.

So, The Nowhere Child stalled a few times for me. I'm a picky bitch when I read, and I've read a lot of crime/suspense for many years, so I'm probably very picky. The ending that totally through Mr E wasn't such a shock for me because one of the reasons I un-stalled at one point about halfway in, was because something triggered my mind and I began to unravel the plot. So, although it was good, I wanted better.

AND CHRISTIAN WHITE DELIVERED!

The Wife and The Widow had a much much tighter narrative. I commented on this to Mr E when I was about halfway through. He didn't respond (which is normal). But when I got to the plot twist, I gasped. I sat in that total stillness of OH MY GOD. My mind ran back over the very tight narrative and the clues were all there, but I didn't catch them...even though I knew there was a plot twist that blew Mr E's mind.

I was looking for it, waiting for it, expecting it - and it blew my mind.

If you're looking for a really good crime suspense story, The Wife and The Widow is brilliant, and I highly recommend it.

I can't wait to see what Christian White delivers next book.

Have you read this?

Sunday Story - age

I don't know what to call this post, so it's just a story.

I attended a funeral through the week for the husband of a friend. He was 81, and I've only known them for 11 years. So I only ever knew him as an old man who'd had a stroke.

The funeral I attended was for a vibrant, go-getter, with a fiery temper but never held a grudge. One man spoke that they could have a ding-dong argument, then laugh and have a beer. They spoke of a man who was active, joyful, full of life. He could turn his hand to anything. He adored his family and did everything with his precious wife. A passionate, larger than life man who so many admired and remembered.

I didn't know that man. Sadly, I'd never even guessed that that man existed. I wish I had known that man, so I could see him when I my friend's husband.

Age and illness are cruel.

When I think of those who knew me at primary school, high school, university, early work career, in the various towns I've lived in, each of those people knew a part of me. The me I was at that time. The me that the life I was living allowed me to be. I wonder if they saw me in another time, would I be recognisable?

We change through life.Sometimes drastically. Sometimes in minor ways. But we change. Always.

I need to remember that. And look at people with more receptive eyes. See beyond who people present today - to see their past self, their future self, their potential and their ability to change, grow and develop.

That's my story for today.

Life changes us.

Sunday Story - Shame and workshops

Oh, my poor neglected blog.

The end of year seems to have a craziness all of its own...or maybe it's me! Anyway, I'm here to catch up a bit.

The Wollongong Writers Festival workshop on Shame, presented by Lee Kofman, was amazing. Not exactly what I thought it was going to be, because I didn't think properly. Lee writes memoir and creative non-fiction. So I should have made the leap that the Shame workshop woudl be along those lines...ha ha ha, I completely missed that. So I was the only fiction writer in the group. But it didn't matter. My mind was opened to a new-to-me genre.

Lee gave some recommendations for writing through your shame, which resonated for sex scene writing. She suggested first drafts should have everything in them, written as if no one is ever going to read it. When you go back to edit it, then think about publication, a focus, how you want it to appear, and what you want to say exactly. It's far easier to omit than to add in extras.

Shame was an interesting topic. Everyone feels shame, gets uncomfortable or scared. The trick to dealing with it is to face the fear, expose what you're comfortable with, and be brave. In sharing, you may alleviate someone else's agony.

The other people in the course were amazing writers. Lee had a great knack for encouraging us to share our writing exercises (the 5 or so minutes we had to scribble to her prompt). I noticed in my Erotic Writing Workshop that getting people to read their work wasn't easy, but Lee was so clever at this. She made sharing seem like something you wanted to do and were honoured to speak...even the reluctant speakers :) I have to brush up on that skill she had. I think a lot of her technique came because she shared her work right up front, and invited everyone to share. So the seed was planted early. I need to do this in the future.

The rest of the Festival was brilliant too. I'm often ho-hum about going to writing events but I had such a great time I'll have to change my thinking.

Have you been to any great events lately?

Sunday Story - retiring heroes

My sporting hero retired last weekend with a Grand Final win as a fitting farewell (as well as a professional foul and 10 minutes in the sin bin, but we'll forget about that for now).

His rugby league achievements are phenomenal in terms of statistics, wins, and trophies. For me, it's other things that have made him my hero. I think the Australian coach summed up what I've always noticed - that's he's the greatest team player. And many said the same after the Grand Final - how he made them a better player, how he made the team a better team.

And so, he's left the playing field a little emptier but as a person, I'm much changed by having watched him play the sport he loves.

The lasting 'gifts' my two greatest sporting heroes have brought to my life are:

Mindfulness. I'll always associate that with him.

My previous hero gave me the gift of knowing that it was okay for my car to have a good, sheepskin car seat only on the driver's seat. LOL! This is not something Mr E is real thrilled about - but then he only gets in my ute occasionally!

Have your heroes left lasting impressions on your life?

Sunday Story - Prince of Air and Darkness

M.A. Grant's Prince of Air and Darkness was waiting for me when I got home from holidays and I devoured it.

It's a m/m paranormal romance that has every paranormal creature I could think of mentioned :)

Roark is the Prince of Air and Darkness, the favourite son of the Winter Faery Court (favourite, probably because he's the only one who's stuck around!).

Finny is human, who possesses the ability to link with the energy of ley lines. This is something he can't yet control and is likely to kill him.

Roark and Finny have a strange relationship at the beginning. It's not hatred that keeps them apart, but Roark's thick thick walls. He is so guarded, so difficult to read and understand. Finny si sweet and incredibly likeable and open.

As the story progresses I fell for Roark. He's a fantastic character with such strength and purity of heart.

At times, this story was so incredibly human. It could have been a m/m set at a university campus...and then some mythical creature would appear on the page and bounce you right back into the paranormal. This wasn't at all distracting or a criticism, it's what made the characters so incredibly likeable, and what set up the series. It's the perfect premise - a place where everyone is mixing and 'equal', with just a few tensions that are escalating among the rumours of the possibility of war breaking out.

If you like paranormal, m/m romance - grab this book!

If you enjoy an emotional story telling, grab this book!

I hope you might enjoy it as much as I did.

Sunday Story - Mary Queen of Scots

I went to the movies and saw the latest movie adaptation of Mary Queen of Scots. It’s magnificent.

It took me back to when I first became interested in the history of these times when I was in Year 8 at high school and history turned to Tudor England. I don’t think history ever captured me like that period did. I was ravenous for information. I read everything I could about Henry VIII and then branched out further and further.

I think Jean Plaidy made me love Mary Queen of Scots. This movie made me love her even more.

This movie (and this period in history) fills me with hope and hopelessness. It tugs me from one extreme to the other, and I don’t know how to reconcile that.

On the hope side: Mary and her cousin, Elizabeth I, were incredible women. Strong, fierce, intelligent, born to rule (even if they were women) and they must have commanded such a presence. Elizabeth did so much to change society, and yet, there was so much more these two women could have achieved.

And here’s where the hopelessness comes in. Men did everything they could to bring these women to a halt. The savage politics of the time, the greed and lust for power, the lies and fabrications that were woven to halt changes in society were incredible. If two Queens cannot fight that, what hope do we have?

Mary and Elizabeth, were incredibly tolerant and open-minded in a society where civil wars had been fought over religion for years. They both seemed to want to rule with compassion. Neither wanted war. Both wanted cohesion, less division, more merging and blending. They were after a world where people mattered.

And they couldn’t achieve it.

Elizabeth could not allow herself to believe that Mary wasn’t trying to take her throne. They hardly knew each other, so it was a fair assumption, but was it fuelled by the men surrounding Elizabeth who wanted power and to rule beneath the skirts of a lowly woman?

Mary wanted to love and be loved. She was fooled by men who used that need to further their own political agenda.

Elizabeth resisted marriage, fearing for her rule. Mary married hoping for love, only to find herself manipulated just as Elizabeth had always feared.

Women, once again, came so close to changing the power, politics, patriarchal structures of the world. Yet men fought against any change. They banded together and used every tactic they could to stop any change. To stop peace. To stop compassion. To stop open-mindedness. To stop people being allowed to be themselves. They fought to keep their closed-minded world.

If only…

Sunday Story - binging on non-fiction

So I'm still on a non-fiction binge. I'm devouring the most incredible books. I guess they're all "new age" or something like that if you need a definition/category.

Many years ago, I started writing this story after an idea popped into my head. I called the story Past Lives, and I've blahhed about it on here before. I went to a workshop and the story got hammered by the presenter. I shoved it away. But those things I shove away never quite stay hidden. This story has bugged me for years. And I went down a 'research' worm hole learning more fascinating things than I imagined possible. Do you ever do that?

I know I've blogged about a few of these books in recent months, and I want to keep a bit of a track of what I've read. So here are a few more:


The Empath's Survival Guide by Dr Judith Orloff.
This book was perfect for me. It has questions to determine if you're an Empath or not. I was a bit skeptical about the book and the questions. I seemed to be answering yes to everything, which was insane because the results section gave quite low scores. For example, there might be 15 questions. It said, if you answered yes to 0-3, you have some empath traits, 4-8 you're a medium empath, 9 or more, you're a strong empath (or something like that). When I was getting 14 or 15 yes responses, 9 seemed rather low. So I asked Mr E a bunch of questions. Strangely, he didn't get 15 yes responses! And I realised it was possible that I may be a little different to everyone else. Let me tell you, it was a bit of a shock to read things that I thought were what everyone did/hear/felt, but to learn that isn't so. I'm not sure how I'll go now, knowing I'm in a defined box - it sort of makes me itchy!

Messages from the Masters by Brian Weiss
A friend loaned me this one next. It's about past lives, and how some people have deeply embedded memories of previous lives, or the state in between physical lives. It was completely and utterly fascinating. I went to look up how to study hypnosis while I was reading it! - I felt an urge to let everyone benefit from this practice. I won't be doing it though, unless I win lotto.

I've been hypnotised before. A few years back. It was a mind-blowing experience. I went in skeptical, and expecting not to go under. I went under so quickly it shocked me, and then I went deeper and deeper, and I knew I was, and I wasn't worried at all. I remembered things from my childhood with such clarity. It was a very healing process in more ways than I expected it to ever be.

As I've read this book, I have more and more thoughts about my Past Lives story. And I have weird prickling sensations about what I wrote in this story. Many of the dreams I wrote for my character are actual dreams and thoughts I had. Initially I thought I was just engrossed in the writing and my characters were taking over - but what if that's not it? What if I'm writing stories of my past lives? I'm a bit spun out by that thought...however, I want to explore that story more now!

And while I've been off in the New Age reading, I've hit the pagan section too. I've been playing with Runes and Tarot, crystals and meditation, and thought I should find out more. I read a blog post by Danielle Dulsky and I went an immediately ordered her book. It was a powerful post and the words sang to me.

Woman Most Wild by Danielle Dulsky is incredible. I'm not quite sure how to describe it. I guess it's her call to other women, asking them to know themselves. It's sort of a bit of a pagan/witch explanation book (sorry, I don't know how you explain that any better), but it's more than that. It's a personal memoir in a way, but so much more. It's written as if she's speaking to the reader. Calling you to action. Asking if you notice or know the things she does.

I followed her on Instagram, as you do, and she has a brand new book which arrived last week but I haven't yet opened - The Holy Wild.

Am I a witch? Well, in my Past Lives writing, I wrote stories of being killed for my beliefs (or the character's beliefs). I wrote stories of being a herbal healer. And I tend towards that type of medicine now for myself - and I'm fussy about who I see and how they treat me. I feel strongly about nature, believing in Mother Nature instead of the more patriarchal 'God'. I work best outdoors. I feel the change of seasons. I believe in karma/fate. I've never cast a spell, but I have had wishes come true. I've never been to a pagan gathering, but I've sat around many campfires and felt such peace. I don't practice the Wiccan religion, but does religion make you a witch? I hate boxes, so I don't know the answer to the question.

I'm not sure where this reading is taking me...but I have so much fodder for stories. I have my Past Lives story to rework, and I know some of the things I was criticised for including in that story are not 'wrong'. And that terrifies me (how did I know?) and excites me (how did I know that?) :)

What have you been reading? Do you ever go on reading binges?

Sunday Story - Mateship WIth Birds

It was my choice of book for Book Club this month, and after telling them about my award last month, imagine my horror when the book is about sex!

I chose Mateship With Birds by Carrie Tiffany because it has won the Stella Award a few years back (2013), was shortlisted for the Miles Franklin Award, and had been on my TO READ list for quite some time. But over the years, I'd forgotten what it was about. I just saw it on the list and ticked it as one of my selections, which is what we do in our book club.

I've been struggling to read lately, months actually. It reminds me of the period after Mum died when I also struggled to read. A very good friend died towards the end of last year and my father-in-law recently, so I'm thinking it's a similar reaction. Plus I spent so long last year sick, maybe there's a reaction to that too. I can't explain in - but it's a bother to me because not only does it stop me reading, it's affecting my interpretation of those books I have to read.

Anyway, back to this book.

It's set in the 1950s, in Australia on a dairy farm and has a lot of focus on birds and nature. All things I should be loving. And yet I struggled to read this. At times, I devoured chunks, and then got brought to a halt. There were confronting parts to this story, that was in other ways quite gentle. And maybe that's the point of the story. Life isn't all roses. It's made up of horror, shock, crudeness, revulsion, lack of knowledge, floundering, beauty, sweetness, gentleness, kindness, cruelty...and in the mundane every day tasks we often do unthinkingly, there are elements of these too.

A proportion of the novel is about sex. It's bluntly written, with a distinct uncomfortableness, which reflects the character, Harry. Sex is written in a style which seemed quite well portrayed for Harry who is a dairy farmer who I guess is in his 40s or so. He's a naturalist, a farmer, but was uneducated in the ways of romance and human sexual relations prior to his marriage when he was 33. It had disastrous consequences for him (ending in divorce), so he takes the opportunity to share his knowledge with his young neighbour, Michael, who is just becoming interested in girls.

There are some cleverly written sections, but this one had me bursting into laughter.

"The internal skin of the female organ is pitted with oil-producing glands that release on arousal. In my experience a slight dampening is the usual state of play, but this particular afternoon Edna was irrigated full-bore." (page 120)


Later in the same section (a letter to Michael), when explaining female lubrication, Harry writes:

"Is it water? No. It's thicker than water, but thinner than oil. And it doesn't wash away with soap. Sticks to the skin so the smell (muddy) can be carried for days - especially on the pads of the fingertips and under the nails."

The characters in the story were difficult for me to like, however I felt they well depicted country people and I imagine how things were in the 1950s. I thought Carrie Tiffany did a good job with drawing parallels between humans and animals, and showing some of the horrible traits that were human alone. I felt there was a thread through the story where sex and death were shown as 'normal' parts of animal life, and yet were hidden and brought shame in human lives. I just wonder if that was a thread others found, as when I looked at reviews I haven't seen that mentioned although there was lots about anthropomorphising and the animal-human interaction.

This wasn't a comfortable or easy read, even though the book is rather small. It packs a punch, which I guess is why it attracted the attention of those judging literary awards.

Unfortunately I won't be able to be at the book group discussion on the book. I'd love to know how others found the story.

Sunday Story - Cock Tales

There's been a huge kerfuffle in the writing world which has quite significant implications if it's left unchecked. An author has decided to trademark a word. This sounds like nothing - but if it's successful, then it sets some ridiculous precedent where words may be copyrighted/trademarked and 'taken' from our vocabulary.

Maybe I've oversimplified the incident, but that's my understanding after a couple of weeks of trying to work out what the heck it all means!

In all the furor, some other authors have put together an ebook, and sales from this will be funded into an account to fight this legal battle.

There's something wonderful about people coming together to fight something they find is wrong.

It doesn't just happen in the writing world. Communities may band together to help out less-privileged people. Sports teams may work together to help someone who's struggling. People may work together to fight a wrong done by a big company or a richer person. These things are so heartening, especially when you're reeling about how can people be so stupid/cruel/mean/insensitive.

So, do you have your copy of Cock Tales?

Are you supporting another cause to help someone?

Do you find these 'group collective efforts' heartening?

Sunday Story - romance genre

We've had Valentine's Day, where there seems to be a flurry of reporters having their dig at the romance genre, and this always gets my brain working. But I've also had chats with reader friends who have got my mind going too. So, I need to blog to sort my head out a bit (again!).

I'd never read by sticking to one thing. I read eclectically, picking up anything that grabs my attention. I read award winners, things off a shelf that no one recommends, things friends recommend, or hate. I've belonged to a Book Club for years and read whatever was set for the month. I also belong to a Classics Book Group and read the book that we've chosen there too. I read Mum's books, Dad's books, my books, my sisters' books, friends' books. I have been known to visit someone and pick up a book, and then ask to take it home to finish it. I'll devour anything.

So, in 2006 when I started to write towards publication, deciding what to write was a bit tricky because I read so widely. I didn't quite understand the 'boxes' that publishers put books into, or why these boxes were important. So I straddled boxes. And not sub-genre boxes. I went for the big boxes - like straddling literary and genre.

I learned that you couldn't  straddle boxes because no one knew how to categorise your story, which meant you couldn't be shelved or found by readers. This doesn't sound like a big deal, does it? But when it boils down, publishers don't but your books if they can't market them. Now that I finally understood that, I had to find where I fitted.

I ended up in genre and romance, largely because I could get a lot of help to learn this genre.

Having not been a romance-only reader, I struggled to understand the conventions - actually I still struggle with this.

In broad terms, romance requires a HEA (Happy Ever After) or a HFN (Happy For Now) ending. No cliffhangers, the romance has to be 'concluded' and it has to be a happy conclusion. That seems to be the only real and abiding 'rule' for the genre.

But there are other things that the genre wants. These are:

• an emotional journey
• characters need to change
• language needs to be emotive
• the inner workings of the character(s) minds needs to be shown
• a journey for the romance to follow - which usually includes a 'dark' moment where you think things will never work out

I've struggled with some of these, and still struggle with others.

Emotion took me an eon to understand - well, I knew what emotion was, but getting it onto the page correctly was an almost impossible task for years.

I don't like depicting the inner workings of a male mind because I'm not sure I know how that works, and I fear that I do it in a 'female' way.

I hate the 'dark' moment. I feel like it's a total and complete fabrication. I try to have something, but I cannot 'invent' something to make it as gutting as some authors do.

So...when I hear people say that romance is 'a bit much' or that it's 'formulaic' or that I write well enough to 'do something decent', I get a bit of a burr happening. I don't really know what they mean, and when I question them, they often can't really explain what they meant and they back track a little.

But I think it's these genre conventions that many non-romance readers don't like/understand.

Emotions aren't an easy thing to discuss/face/write/read. A large part of society is focussed on ensuring that we know how to be XXX (whatever emotion here - eg happy, sad, angry, grief-stricken) in the 'right' way. This seems to be a huge industry. And from what I can tell, everyone has a different and unique way of expressing and dealing with emotion. I think that's why so many writers can write about love, and so many readers keep reading it - there are a bazillion ways to 'fall in love'.

But, falling in love is 'soppy'. It's an emotion associated with women. It's an emotion associated with softness, vulnerability, and for some, a time when they let their guard down and were damaged. For some it has lovely memories, and others it hurts.

I think this is why there's backlash against the genre, and it's often not seen as a legitimate form of storytelling.

The formulaic comment, I think applies to the fantasy aspect of romance. It's not written true to life. It's written to tap into higher emotions than we often feel. It exaggerates the good and the bad, yet it always ends well...often after a huge 'pit of despair'. Not all romances do these now, but the stereotype carries over.

And the 'write something decent', I think means literary, but I may be wrong with that. Maybe commercial literary would cover it. But that's a hard market to write for, because the trends change so very quickly. If I wrote what was selling now, by the time I finished, the trend woudl be passed. Literary takes a style and a genius that I have yet to perfect.

I'm happy in romance...my kind of romance...where I don't 'fit' all the rules, but I still find readers and publishers who like my stories.

It's taken me years to learn my craft. Years to understand the intricacies of the genre and the readers' expectations. I don't expect to ever know all of it, but I bend my mind trying to keep on top of it all.
I will probably always get annoyed at those who criticise my choice using cliches that, to me, are ambiguous. I'm not so much annoyed at the criticism, more annoyed that you can't articulate what you mean and have chosen to use, what I feel are, derogatory terms that I've heard many many times before. I'll try to bite my tongue and I'll try not to snarl, but my writing is important to me. This is my career. I am a romance writer.