Friday, November 20, 2015

Phallic Friday - libido

This week's article of inspiration can be found here. It's about libido - particular mismatched libido with partners. But then I saw another post (here) which is along a similar theme - about how the happiest couples have sex once a week.

There have been quite a lot of articles about the amount of sex you're 'supposed' to have in recent months (I always keep an eye out for such things for Fridays) and they're beginning to really annoy me. One of the things I firmly believe is EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT.

Sure someone can sprout forth that the happiest couples have weekly sex, others will turn around and say if they don't have daily sex they're not happy, where others will tell you sex doesn't make them happy. No one is right. Everyone is different.

I've never had a partner with a perfectly matched libido. Some have wanted more sex than I did, some wanted less, but if you're in a relationship, I think one of the keys is discussion, and another, compromise.

The guy who wanted more sex than I could manage was happy with any form of sex - so blow jobs, hand jobs, massages, anything really, were enough to keep him happy. And that kept me happy. I could be inventive and imaginative, in words and actions and his needs were met. Kept me interested and both of us happy.

The guy who wanted less sex than I wanted, well, we found other ways to keep each other happy in the relationship that weren't sexual (talking, walking, shared activities/interests, family) and I had my trusty vibrator for use when he wasn't around (he felt inferior if I used it with him - fair enough).

In both cases, we talked and adapted. Everyone's different and we needed to work around that.

Not only are people different but lots of things affect libido - not only factors in your relationship but factors outside it too. So your sexual needs may change over time, from week to week, or year to year. So long as you're both happy, does it really matter how much sex you have?

I like sex for intimacy and at first, with the guy who wanted lots, I felt much closer to him than to the guy who wasn't so keen on sex. But I realised there were other ways to achieve intimacy than just sex. It did mean a shift in my thoughts, though, and that wasn't an easy task :)

So, whatever your relationship gives you, whatever you're willing to compromise on, whatever you're happy with is exactly the right amount of sex for you. If that's once an hour, once a day, once a month, once a year, or we had sex once, I don't think it matters. Do what's right for you. Everyone's different.

How do you feel?


  1. I saw something on Catalyst (I think it was) about this a week or so ago - or at least the tail end of the program. I agree with you that it's different strokes for different folks...

    1. I'm glad, thanks. I was thinking I was getting old and grumpy!

      Cate xo