Friday, August 14, 2015

Phallic Friday - cuckolding

Cuckolding is an ancient 'act' but it has a modern twist that makes it a fetish! let me explain:

The term 'cuckolding' comes from the name of the cuckoo, the bird (see Wildlife Wednesday and Phallic Friday finally cross paths!). European Cuckoos 'steal' the nests of other birds for their eggs...and they don't just lay their egg in another's nest, they remove one of that birds' eggs leaving the unsuspecting parents to hatch the cuckoos egg. But it gets worse, when the young cuckoo hatches, they shovel the other chicks out of the nest, so the parents devote themselves to feeding the 'wrong' chick, thus raising a European Cuckoo and not their own fledgling.

With the act of cuckolding in the past, a woman would cheat on her husband, birthing a child who was not his own but who he would, usually unknowingly, raise as his own. The act itself wasn't a fetish, more like a way for a woman to survive a loveless marriage, or bear children if her husband was infertile, or the result of an affair on the sly. The husband may find out if the child bore a vast difference to himself, in which case it could cause an awful furore.

In the American south in the past, there was a huge stigma attached to cuckolding when a white women slept with black men, often a slave, and birthed a black child. To add to this, there was the belief that black men were far more endowed than white men, so for a woman to sleep with a black man, the husband was humiliated many times over - not only because of the unfaithfulness, the child that was not his, and all the emotions those issues brought up, but also because it appeared to society that he couldn't perform adequately (or had a small penis) because his wife preferred the 'larger' man.

So cuckolding has always had a large dose of humiliation and shame associated with it. Not only for the unsuspecting husband, but women who had affairs that were discovered were often shunned by society, or worse.

In recent years in America particularly, cuckolding has taken on a fetish twist, with some husbands wanting to organise for their wife to be serviced by a 'bull' (the term used to describe the third party) and for them to watch for their sexual gratification. This fetish defied my understanding, but I did some research because there was a call for short stories on this fetish, which I thought might be interesting to write.

Some have theorised that this cuckolding fetish may have found a rise in popularity because it contradicts the ideals of monogamy. In most scenarios, there's a 'wife', a 'bull' and a 'cuck', who is the husband and the usual organiser of the event. From what I could find out, the typical cuck is in their 30s, in comfortable longterm relationships, alpha male in most situations, above average intelligence, often in high-powered jobs with above average income. It's thought that these blokes might need the extra mental stimulation that this scenario gives. (I was shocked by this unexpected profile, so I keep searching more).

In most cases, the cuck organises for a bull who is better looking, more endowed, more muscular, and whatever else might 'hurt' them. It doesn't seem that the wife chooses the bull, although she may have input. It seems that in most cases, the guy does the choosing - and yes, there are websites designed for this fetish (in the US. I didn't find much info at all in Australia, so maybe it hasn't taken off here).

It's thought that there are three types of cuckolded me - those who are submissive (they want the degradation and humiliation of not being 'good enough' and being shown what 'good' is, to achieve orgasm), those who want the forced bisexual experience (they want to be pushed into exploring their darkest fantasies, being with a man, and may want their Mistress/dominant wife to instruct them into doing things they'd never do, like a blow job for the bull. It seems that the cuck does not interact with the woman, only takes commands from her), and those who are voyeurs (they want to watch another man having sex, and/or they want to watch their woman being pleasured, and therefore they want the 'best' man possible).

The cuckolded man experiences mental anguish and humiliation, but wrestling with these feelings, turns into the most intense arousal and pleasure. Sometimes it's because their woman is with another, admired by another and lusted after (competitive spirit). The sex scene is always in his memory for him to use in private later, and that's his reward.

Some men like to have sex right after the cuckolding sex - also the competitive spirit, my sperm will over ride yours. This can also be the re-activation of the 'hunter' mentality that existed when he was courting her - trying to win her. The wanting, desiring, lusting were strong emotions that may have diminished in every day life.

Some men find the emotions are a source of pleasure - so a psychological masochism. Intense emotions are experienced, like jealousy, misery, gratitude, shame, sublimation, inadequacy, lust.

Some men want to feel alive. Others to feel diminished from the loss of control (this when the wife becomes the Mistress, and especially if she adds in humiliation aspects by saying how much better the bull is to the cuck, etc).

I still wasn't really understanding the thrill in all of this for the cuckolded guy. I know I have issues with humiliation, but this was way way out of anything I could even stretch to. I was firmly stuck in the thought that to humiliate someone was to deny his humanity, to make him feel less than worthy. And how anyone could get off on that was beyond me.

And then I went hunting in psychology today papers and found this:

Highly secure or self-confident people who believe that they are in the right rarely feel shame at their humiliation.
A light bulb went on in my head. The profile of the cuck made sense to me now.

There was also a bit that mentioned hazing rituals are also a form of humiliation. How many times have I read about those happening in Ivy League Schools in the USA? Suddenly, the fetish began to have some clarity about it. But it took me days, and a lot of reading to get to this understanding. I just wrote some notes to show my journey, because I knew I had this post coming up. do you feel about the new twist on an old secret shame?