Friday, June 20, 2014

Phallic Friday - BDSM stories

I'm not an expert on BDSM. I don't live in the lifestyle. But I have read a lot on the subject, and dabbled in it. Lately I've been reading some BDSM stories that really rub me the wrong way because I consider the information contained in them to be incorrect... but annoyingly, this doesn't stop them being 'best sellers' and therefore quoted as the texts on BDSM.

In some ways, I'm old fashioned. My first taste of BDSM came from the Marquis deSade's writings. I still think of these as the definitive texts of BDSM.

Somehow in popular literature today, BDSM has lost it's edge and is portrayed 'softly'. The other day I read a story where the Dominant was termed a 'sadist' - yet I found him neither dominant nor sadistic. And that concerns me. Not only are people throwing around terms without understanding them, or depicting them correctly through their character's actions, they're 'educating' their readers incorrectly.

BDSM clubs aren't places for kicks - or maybe they are now, it's been a long time since I've been in one. If you're living the BDSM lifestyle, I would expect that you don't want people coming in with unbelievable, incorrect expectations.

If I turned up and asked for a Dominant and a sadist, I would be wanting a man who expected my complete submission, and if I didn't give it, he would demand it. And his demands would make me experience pain to a level that was uncomfortable. The pain inflicted on me, would get me off (because I'd be a pain slut if I was asking for a sadist) and this is turn would get him off (he would react to the pain he's inflicting, and the pleasure it's giving me).

For me, a sadist gets off on the pain - watching me hurt. A Dominant gets off on giving the demands I need to meet, watching the struggle I have to submit to his requests, and the freeing of myself to my pleasure after submitting.

So if I read a BDSM story, I want a sadistic Dominant to get off on the pain he causes, but also the pleasure he gives. I want him to be a hard, tough guy who demands the sub's respect and obedience. If he's a guy who lets a challenge go, accepts back chat, shrugs when the sub doesn't do what he asked, doesn't give any punishment for disobedience... then I've lost respect for the guy, the story, and the author.

Maybe I'm too old fashioned and BDSM has become so mainstream it's tame. But these tame books are stopping my reading pleasure, and stopping me buying BDSM stories and trying new-to-me authors. Thank goodness for my deSade collection! I might need to re-read them.

3 comments:

  1. I'd re-read them. I know zero about BDSM, so I'll trust your judgement on it. I don't think I could ever do it. Definitely not if I was wearing my beanie.

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