Friday, September 6, 2013

Phallic Friday - Doms

I just finished a book that had been highly recommended by many people as a book with fantastic BDSM scenes. And you know, I was disappointed.

It had lots of BDSM scenes in it... but they were all 'soft'.

By 'soft', I mean sweet, gentle, kind.

The Dom was so caring, so sweet, so kind... I didn't believe him. I didn't believe her reactions to him, or to the scening.

I guess the author was showing that trust had to be earned through love, even for the smallest things. But it didn't work for me.

And I know I'm weird. I know that most people love this sweetness in a man because my heroes are often 'unsympathetic', 'unlikeable' and I am asked to soften them or tone them down (especially their speech).

But you know, as I read this last night and felt my disappointment and disbelief grow, I wondered if there are other people out there like me, who want a man to be ... harder, tougher, more severe?

Now, in real life, I want something different... but in my BDSM fantasies, I want a bad bad boy who doesn't sit and hug me, stroking my hair and pressing kisses to my head. I want a man who fucks me senseless, then lets me get over it. One who pushes the pain barrier and makes me deal with that. One who doesn't apologise when he's short, or snappy, or rough. One who makes me a stronger person.

I don't want abuse. I don't want a prick. I don't want someone who's rude or ignorant or abrupt or horrid.

I just want a man who is a man and doesn't soften to pander to my emotion.

Do you like the hand holding, hugging Dom? Or are you voting for the tougher man? (And feel free to call me weird... I can handle it!)


  1. Oh gosh. I really wish I knew more about BDSM and Doms and Submissives and all that, so that I could offer you constructive comments! But - I don't. I certainly don't like powder-puff men, and a weak handshake is a real turn-off for me.
    But that's not the same thing, really!
    Sorry you didn't like the book. I'm getting so fussy in my reading lately on my Kindle... I DNF so many books.
    Lily M

    1. Oh, weak hand shakes are so bad. I had a rugby crush when I was a teenager, not because he was hot but because he wrote this awesome book about rugby and he'd played. Through luck, I was asked to babysit his kids. Let me tell you that I walked into that house with his book in my bag, my heart thumping and my knees quivering. I met him at the door all aflutter and he gave me the dead-fish hand shake. OMG. I almost died on the spot. I was crushed. Needless to say no autograph was asked for. He fell off the pedestal in a huge hurry.

      Maybe that's it. Maybe people who don't mind a soft handshake, like a gentle Dom :)

      Thanks for reminding me of the horrid handshake!!

      Cate xo

      PS I too have become fussy. I feel guilty sometimes but life's too short to read books you don't like!