Friday, December 21, 2012

Phallic Friday - Cyber Sex

My short story, A Real Online Fantasy, is about a couple who’ve indulged in online sex and decide to take it further. Let’s explore the idea of cyber sex.

Just in case you're unsure of what it is, online sex, or cyber sex, is defined on Wikipedia as: Cybersex, also called computer sex, Internet sex, netsex, mudsex, TinySex and, colloquially, cybering or conversex is a virtual sex encounter in which two or more persons connected remotely via computer network send each other sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. In one form, this fantasy sex is accomplished by the participants describing their actions and responding to their chat partners in a mostly written form designed to stimulate their own sexual feelings and fantasies.

It's my belief that the mental connection between people plays a huge role in sexual relationships. My brain is my greatest sex organ. And this is what fascinates me about cyber sex. You’re activating your brain, and the brain of another like-minded soul, to indulge in a mutually beneficial arrangement. You can orgasm without touching yourself or allowing anyone else to touch you. Clean, disease-free, safe and totally stimulating!!

But it has to be a like minded soul. Cyber sex can be a cyber joke with the wrong person.

Many years ago I had an internet addiction and could be found in most waking hours on talkers (an early version of chat rooms). They were filled with avid computer users, mostly academics or uni students. There were few under-age people (computers were expensive, weren’t common in homes, and certainly not part of a phone!) There were talkers devised solely for the purposes of cyber sex. Some of the talkers were themed, and I spent a lot of time at the BDSM-theme talkers, in a world that fascinated me.

Not only could you have cyber sex, but you could be cyber collared by a Dom or a Domme. You could indulge in acts that completely blew your mind - and then walk away without a mark or bruise.
We’re talking about nothing physical, nothing visual. This was before web cameras, Skype, even digital cameras. This was all about the brain. All about stimulating your mind, your imagination. It fascinated me. I couldn’t learn enough. And it was completely addictive.

I’d chat to people (as if you were meeting them at a party or in a bar) with normal conversations - what do you do, where do you live, etc. As we became friends, the conversations became more intense. I was forever trying to understand what made people enjoy the fantasies they did. People and their desires fascinate me. Sometimes a person’s job reflected their fantasy - so what came first, the job or the desire? And interestingly enough, few people I met indulged their fantasies in real life - it was kept to the computer, their mind.

One of the most fascinating men I met was an anaesthetist with a rope/bondage fetish. In his day job, he knocked people out and had them at his mercy during surgery… at night, he’d cyber bind you and pleasure you until you came, which gave him his release.

Have you indulged in the world of cyber sex? 
Does your job reflect your fantasies?


  1. Hi Cate
    I can't help seeing that picture as some type of squid...
    It's a fascinating world you describe. It must give you so much fodder for books. Facebook is as close as I've come to 'chatrooms'... and even then I haven't tried the 'chat to your friends' online, outside of the regular timeline posts etc. But there's a great anonymity to cyberspace. You can be anyone you want to be and that is liberating. It's also kind of scary!
    Enjoying your posts. I've had a good look though your site now, particularly through 2010 and 2011. You had a post there about a cousin making comments about your "slutty" books... I wanted to whack him on your behalf!
    Cheers & happy Christmas.
    Lily M.

    1. Hi Lily,
      The photo is a blue bottle - not really a squid but right environment :)

      I'm so glad you enjoyed the post. The anonymity made me brave... it is liberating and scary. I tried to get that across in my story because they were the strongest feelings I had. I am lucky to have made some great friends from that time who I still email/chat to today.

      Oh gosh, you must know me now! And you must be one of the few people to have read all that! Thanks for wanting to whack my cousin - I feel like that often :)

      Cate xo