Phallic Friday - "topping from the bottom"

I used this phrase in a post last week, and my most prolific commenter asked me to do a post to explain it.
So... this is for you, Lily. My explanation of what it means.

(Please be aware that my understanding of the BDSM world is rudimentary. This is my understanding and you may well have another description of the term. If so, please feel free to comment).

This term "topping from the bottom" is used about the BDSM world. Part of BDSM involves Submission from Submissives (people who give control of their pleasure to another person) and Domination by Dominants/Doms/Dommes (people who get pleasure from controlling another's pleasure).

In the 'normal' role of a submissive, he/she allows the Dominant to dictate the play/sexual acts/the pleasure giving. Truly submissive people play no role in directing what happens. They have a safe word which can be used when they cannot cope with going any further, but otherwise, their pleasure involves the giving over of themselves to another.

If a submissive is new, struggling to fit into the role, unbelieving/untrusting of the Dominant, having a bad day, not into the role, (any number of reasons) they may struggle with allowing someone to direct their pleasure. They may speak, give commands, back chat, surreptitiously direct the scene, move their body to change how something works, or make some kind of act that takes control from the Dominant. If the submissive is directing how the pleasuring occurs, then they're said to be "topping from the bottom" - in other words, pretending to submit when they are actually dictating the play from a supposedly submissive position.

In the book I was reading where I saw this happening, the male was the submissive. He was an alpha male, a protector, a strong strong man ... who liked to submit and allow Dommes (female dominants) to work with him. Except he always managed to have them allowing him to give them pleasure. He loved cunnilingus. He also loved to fill a woman, and so manipulated the women in subtle ways, to allow this to happen. For example, he showed greatest pleasure when women got wet, dripped, showed themselves to him. Subtly, he was letting them know what he wanted... and they gave it to him. This isn't something that's 'wrong'... it brings pleasure to both people... but in the true sense of being submissive, it's cheating. But if you're both happy, who cares?

But this is where the book got into my head. The Dominant worked this sub out. She knew what he was doing. She was fairly new, but extensively trained as a Domme. She wasn't just mucking around, she wanted the lifestyle - and he said he did too. So she made him submit to her. She refused him contact with her. He didn't get to eat her out, or fill her. She made him take an anal vibe set on a timer, and left him to orgasm three times in an hour, alone, with viewers. Not something he thought he'd like...but the submission turns him on anyway.

Her action was clever. It takes away his usual pleasure. It makes him bend to her will. It stops him dictating what he wants and what she does. It makes him submit. To her. And she's earned his respect - he's received pleasure, she's held off on her own, except the pleasure from making him submit.

But the book was even more clever. He wasn't broken easily. He tested her every time they were together. He knew it. She knew it. So it's a complete mind-fuck as well as the physical.

And that to me is a really powerful BDSM story.

I hope that's given a bit more of an understanding of the term. And I hope my interpretation hasn't offended anyone.

Wildlife Wednesday - Blue Tongue Lizard

This is a picture post today. I have a Blue Tongue Lizard in my backyard who I've become quite friendly with. So I'm sharing some images. I've not played with these photos at all - that really is the colour of his/her tongue (easy seeing where the name came from)! And the tongue is huge...surprised me when it flicked out and out and out and out! The blue-tongue is rather on the large size as well!

Sunday Story - movies and books

Movie poster

I went to the movies the other day to see The Turning. It's the movie adaptation of Tim Winton's book by the same name.

The movie was marketed as an incredible cinematic feat with 17 different directors doing an interpretation of the stories within the book.

For a long time I've whinged to my husband about how poorly movies depict a book. I've refused to see some movies when I've loved the book and fear a terrible interpretation. He scoffs at me. He's a movie lover.

Anyway, I had The Turning at home, as the book. Mr E decided to read the book before seeing the movie - 2 days before. So it was fresh in his mind (often books escape his memory cells as soon as he closes the cover).

Off we went to the movie. It was a 3 hour epic. And Mr E was digging out his phone looking at the time from the halfway point. He hated the film. He sat and wriggled and squirmed. He looked at his watch.

Book

One story was interpreted as a dance. To me, it was fascinating and beautiful. By far the most glorious of the stories. Mr E hated it. Loathed it. Couldn't understand how dance could possibly tell a story!

The movie ended. Mr E went striding out. I was only chuckling a little :) I looked at him. "What did you think?"


He huffed a bit. Scratched his head. Squirmed a little. Then said, "Was that the same book I read? I didn't remember their being any Aboriginal people in the book."

The film allowed for interpretation of the stories - which meant anyone could play the parts. There were stories with big name actors, and some with people I've never seen before. I guess each director made their own call on who they'd like to work with (I've no idea how it worked logistically and I don't want to know either!).

The book linked all the stories together. They were all in a small town. Tim Winton is gifted at that.

The movie made no such links. Not even the same state of Australia was used for the stories, let alone the same town. And the people had no link from one story to the next. In the book, one character may have a part in 3 stories, linking them. In the movie, the same character may have been Aboriginal in one story, white in another, Chinese in the next. You could not link them as the same person at all.

The key element to Tim Winton's novel was missing. And Mr E finally saw my complaint about movies not following books, and letting me down.

I think I should call it a victory.

Phallic Friday - exhibitionism

Exhibitionism is another aspect to sex that I find fascinating.

There are two meanings to this word (that I found anyway):
1. is the deliberate behaviour to attract attention
and
2. is the psychiatric condition which requires the exposure of your genitals in public.

I think with sex, there is more of the first meaning than the second, but I'm sure some of the second comes into play too.

In my wild youth, spent often in country pubs, there was a condition among the 'well hung' men to bare all when they were suitably drunk. It was only my observation, not a fact, that only well hung men did this... but I've rarely seen a smaller man give public displays of his anatomy. Have you?

So I think that some men, the well endowed kind, have a endless fascination in showing the world how much they have. Maybe this isn't a psychiatric condition, as such, but I think many times outdoor sex is initiated by the male, it's for this reason. He wants to show off his junk.

Some women have a burning desire to attract attention. And for me, they're the ones most likely to be involved in overly lusty public displays of affection. The ones who virtually start foreplay at the main bar, continue it into the beer garden and the deed is done in the carpark. Sometimes they make it home! (hope I'm not being too cynical)

Sometimes exhibitionism comes from encouraging fear - the fear of being caught. You have sex outdoors, or in a public place, or in a car in a carpark, for the fear factor. It gets your adrenalin running. It fires up the libido. Your partner gets a whole lot hotter when you're pulse is already racing.

And sometimes exhibitionism is just because you're a naturist. You like being nude. You like being outdoors without clothing. And you like having sex with freedom.

There are a lot of different aspects to exhibitionism....and I find it a fascinating topic. I'll have to write and think more about this.