I was excited to read this post today (here) on the news.com.au website.
It's about a family, in Texas, with 3 parents, expecting their 3rd child. It's a relationship between 2 women and 1 man, and they love their lifestyle. They claim that it allows them more time for themselves, each other and for friends/hobbies. They claim that they can parent and work, juggling the demands of life, much easier in a threesome than in a couple.
They also want marriage. They've been together for 5 years and would love to be married even thought it's not legal.
And this is where I think marriage equality is missing the point. Same sex marriage, is fine, but it's really not enough. If you want to talk about equality, then it needs to be that marriage is available to any form of committed relationship. Yet, I know that's unlikely to happen because people baulk at same sex marriage, so I can only imagine how they'd react to multiple partners, or other forms of relationships. But I still think same-sex marriage should not be referred to as marriage equality because it's still leaving people without.
This is one of the things that writing my MMF brought into light for me. Why are duos considered normal and trios or more are considered abnormal? And if you're in a threesome, how do you keep your relationship valid when the rest of society claims it's invalid?
This is one of the things that writing my MMF brought into light for me. Why are duos considered normal and trios or more are considered abnormal? And if you're in a threesome, how do you keep your relationship valid when the rest of society claims it's invalid?
Reading about this threesome relationship gives me hope for my MMF story, Team Player. My threesome is 2 men and 1 woman, so not exactly the same, but I'm glad that there are people living in multiple partner arrangements no matter what society tells them in 'right'.
I have two experiences of this sort of thing:
ReplyDelete1) In PNG it was normal for men to have several wives and the practice still continues today. One of my late husband's grandfather's had 4 wives. It took me a long time to work out how everyone in his family was related. In PNG they extend it even further & the children of brothers & sisters call their aunts & uncles mum & dad as well as their biological parents. Children are raised by the whole extended family, not just their biological parents. I'm still not sure how everyone is related, but now I just accept it. On my first visit to PNG in 2003 I met a young women who was studying at Uni to become a teacher, but was about to become the fifth wife of a much older man because she had been promised by her parents. At the time I found it very hard to understand how a modern young women could accept these old traditions.
2) Many years prior to meeting my husband I spent a wonderful summer fruitpicking in Mildura. What made it so wonderful were the two lovely Tongan men that I enjoyed a relationship with during my time there. The two men were cousins. I first entered into a relationship with one, lets call him T. T could see that I was attracted to his cousin, J. Even though I was attracted to J, I felt it was wrong & didn't do anything about it. That was until T, said to me, it's ok if you like J, we can share, you can be with him as well if you want. And that is what happened, I spent the summer in a relationship with the two of them. Most of the time I slept alone with one of the other, but one night the three of us slept together and it was the best sexual experience I have ever had; both of them made me the centre of their attention. We often used to go out together to the night clubs & bars in Mildura. One particular night stands out in my memory. J&T were playing pool at the Sandbar while I watched. When J was having his shot, I would be kissing T, and vice versa. I remember getting some very strange looks from the other patrons, they really couldn't work out what was going on. J&T also allowed, in fact encouraged me to be with other men, although, given how much fun & how sexually satisfied I was with J&T I only ventured outside our threesome once. One night T & I were at Doms (a night club). That night there was a new younger (shy, inexperienced) & very attractive Tongan man, there. T told me that he was a student studying in Melbourne and visiting for the weekend. T, said I know you want him, he's shy, go get him & show him a good time...so I did. But the rest of the time I just enjoyed my relationship with J&T.
I travelled to Mildura with a group of Uni students (I organised the trip) and we all worked together & shared three cabins in a caravan park. The group, perhaps because they were Uni students and more open minded, just accepted my relationship with J&T.
I look forward to reading - Team Player!
Thank you so much for your awesome comment, and for sharing your story!
DeleteThe customs of different cultures are fascinating. I love the idea of an extended family raising kids, but the multiple wives always makes me wonder how it works with jealousies and other issues and emotions affecting the relationships. Although, maybe their expectations are different and so they don't have the same emotions in the situation that we imagine they do.
Your Mildura summer relationship with T & J sounds like an incredibly liberating experience. How fabulous that you found a man who was confident enough to encourage you to enjoy other men. It sounds like you could write an incredible story based on that relationship. Fantastic!
Thank you so much for sharing such fantastic thoughts. I really appreciate your comment.
I hope you'll enjoy Team Player. I'd love to know how you find it.
Many thanks,
Cate xox