Phallic Friday - sex toys and other thoughts

Since last week's We-Vibe 4 and remote access post, I've been thinking a lot about sex toys, their role in life, and their evolution.

Many years ago, I became a bit of a sex toy collector. I'd found a shop run by a woman for women, that was filled with information, toys and videos. I think she was some sort of sex therapist - but whatever she was, she was really open and honest about sex.

When I first visited her shop, in Kings Cross, Sydney, I wasn't sure what to expect (and now I can't remember why I went, but I went alone). I certainly didn't expect to have the discussions I had with this lady. She took me along a shelf of vibrators and explained the pros and cons of each model. I had no idea there was such a range! I saw vibrators that resembled a penis that were for vaginal stimulation only, but came in all sizes according to your preference. Then we moved to waterproof vibrators so you could use them in the shower/bath. G-spot vibes, specially bent to hit the right spot while pleasuring you. Then we moved to vibrators with clitoral stimulation (you probably know the old rabbit vibes). It was an education.

What shocked me most was that these vibrators were often etched with designs or images, which were often of men/kings/animals. That was a bit disconcerting. Do we need images on our vibrators? (it was needed to get around a technical legal restriction, I think). I'm pleased to see this isn't so anymore. The We-vibe doesn't have gimmicky images, nor is it shaped like a penis. What an evolution.

I own a few of the old fashioned vibes - because I couldn't decide and she was a good sales woman! Then we moved to other toys and she explained more, opening my mind to things I'd never contemplated before. It was extraordinary.

From then on, I wanted to be like this lady - unafraid of sex, sex toys and the things people do for pleasure.

My biggest foray into this world of unafraidness, was gifting a friend with a vibrator for Christmas. Don't worry, I warned her of what I was giving her. It's just she thought I was kidding. We went out for Christmas and for some reason I can't remember, we were doing the gift exchange at the party. I caught a quiet moment with her to give her my gift (it's in a box, so you can't tell what it is). She squeals, and goes to open it. I grab her hands and stare at her trying to convey my panic quietly. "You can't open it here." She's slow, really slow. She doesn't pick up on my words, clenched fingers or panicked breathing. By now a few friends have gathered around us.

She keeps trying to open it, and I'm crushing her hand saying "No. You can't." One of our good friends, a male, looks at me, frowns, looks at her, then at the box. He starts laughing. "Cate, did you buy her a vibrator?" I've no idea how he picked that of all gifts...but by crikey, his comment had her shoving the gift in her bag so quickly. He's now her husband and I often wonder about that gift!! :)

See, sex toys can give you a lot of pleasure... and they can even score you a husband!!

Phallic Friday - Phone Sex

Last week we spoke about cyber sex, which naturally leads into this week's topic of phone sex. 

Wikipedia defines this as: Phone sex is a type of virtual sex that refers to sexually explicit conversation between two or more persons via telephone, especially when at least one of the participants masturbates or engages in sexual fantasy. Phone sex conversation may take many forms, including (but not limited to): guided, sexual sounds, narrated, and enacted suggestions; sexual anecdotes and confessions; candid expression of sexual feelings or love and or discussion of very personal and sensitive sexual topics.

Phone sex exists both in the context of intimate relationships (e.g., among distanced lovers), and as a commercial transaction between a paying customer and a paid professional.

And if you're keen on googling, there were trillions of sites with phone sex tips - including the cliches most often used. 

That's where I think Phone Sex gets it's "ick" reputation from - cliches. The "What are you wearing?" line said with breathless anticipation. The answer, which of course is something gorgeously sexy and revealing, when the reality is the opposite.

But I think phone sex plays a great role in stimulating a relationship. It can be a great form if intimacy for long distance lovers, allowing them to connect in a way that is not physically possible. You can re-live your favourite sexual experience, enhancing it if you feel like pushing the boundaries.

The commercial nature of phone sex once interested me. I'd been skydiving and I seriously wanted to take it up as a hobby (I make a collection of expensive hobbies!) but the cost was too much, on top of other things I did. So one of my work colleagues suggested prostitution as a form of making more money (You can see I worked with great people :) ). But then when we got to the practicalities of prostitution in a rural community, it became a bit 'lacking in the impersonal'. So then we thought about phone sex. I thought I could do that... I need never know who was ringing and they would never know I was answering. Much better than a face to face meeting at the pub/supermarket an hour after the event. My colleague then suggested I could be vacuuming and saying, "Oh, baby give it to me. Push it harder." And after fits of giggles, the phone sex option went out the window (along with the skydiving, sadly). But it was a fun thought for a while!

Does phone sex have any good/funny memories for you?

Phallic Friday - Cyber Sex

My short story, A Real Online Fantasy, is about a couple who’ve indulged in online sex and decide to take it further. Let’s explore the idea of cyber sex.

Just in case you're unsure of what it is, online sex, or cyber sex, is defined on Wikipedia as: Cybersex, also called computer sex, Internet sex, netsex, mudsex, TinySex and, colloquially, cybering or conversex is a virtual sex encounter in which two or more persons connected remotely via computer network send each other sexually explicit messages describing a sexual experience. In one form, this fantasy sex is accomplished by the participants describing their actions and responding to their chat partners in a mostly written form designed to stimulate their own sexual feelings and fantasies.

It's my belief that the mental connection between people plays a huge role in sexual relationships. My brain is my greatest sex organ. And this is what fascinates me about cyber sex. You’re activating your brain, and the brain of another like-minded soul, to indulge in a mutually beneficial arrangement. You can orgasm without touching yourself or allowing anyone else to touch you. Clean, disease-free, safe and totally stimulating!!

But it has to be a like minded soul. Cyber sex can be a cyber joke with the wrong person.

Many years ago I had an internet addiction and could be found in most waking hours on talkers (an early version of chat rooms). They were filled with avid computer users, mostly academics or uni students. There were few under-age people (computers were expensive, weren’t common in homes, and certainly not part of a phone!) There were talkers devised solely for the purposes of cyber sex. Some of the talkers were themed, and I spent a lot of time at the BDSM-theme talkers, in a world that fascinated me.

Not only could you have cyber sex, but you could be cyber collared by a Dom or a Domme. You could indulge in acts that completely blew your mind - and then walk away without a mark or bruise.

We’re talking about nothing physical, nothing visual. This was before web cameras, Skype, even digital cameras. This was all about the brain. All about stimulating your mind, your imagination. It fascinated me. I couldn’t learn enough. And it was completely addictive.

I’d chat to people (as if you were meeting them at a party or in a bar) with normal conversations - what do you do, where do you live, etc. As we became friends, the conversations became more intense. I was forever trying to understand what made people enjoy the fantasies they did. People and their desires fascinate me. Sometimes a person’s job reflected their fantasy - so what came first, the job or the desire? And interestingly enough, few people I met indulged their fantasies in real life - it was kept to the computer, their mind.

One of the most fascinating men I met was an anaesthetist with a rope/bondage fetish. In his day job, he knocked people out and had them at his mercy during surgery… at night, he’d cyber bind you and pleasure you until you came, which gave him his release.

Have you indulged in the world of cyber sex? 

Does your job reflect your fantasies?

Release Day: A Real Online Fantasy

It's Release Day!!! YEAH :)

The party is happening at the Hot Down Under blog. Leave us a comment and you can win a story, or all 5!

Have you ever had an online relationship? 

Ever met them in real life? 

Condamine and Esquire have a sizzling online relationship. But when Esquire suggests they meet, Condamine worries that meeting will ruin what they share online.

Find out what happens by spending 99 cents on my new release!

Find out where to BUY IT here.