Friday, December 4, 2015

Phallic Friday - What would you like me to do?

This article on the website got to me this week. It's an article all about the question women find too difficult to answer - What would you like me to do? (sexually, to you)

It horrifies me that women cannot answer that question. What does it say about society's attitudes towards women and sex? It shows that women are uninformed about the choices available to them. It shows that not only do they not know the choices, but they've never discussed the choices with others (men or women). Or at least the writer of the article hasn't - although I don't think she's alone with her views.

I led a rather sheltered life. I was brought up in a conservative household, with parents who held strong religious beliefs. But I was lucky in that we were raised to be independent, to think for ourselves, and to analyse what we were taught/told.

In high school, I did sewing (because Mum was awesome at all sorts of craft, including sewing) and it was one of the best subjects I did - not because I learned to sew, but I was in a group where we could sit around and chat while we worked. The girls in my class were so much more worldly than me, and I absorbed everything they said. We were together between the ages of 13 and 16, and some of the girls in this group were sexually active in this time and, man, were my eyes opened. I learned things in that class that I'd never have heard elsewhere. I don't know if I ever spoke, but I soaked it all in like a sponge, then it filtered through my brain and was stored for later use.

In my 20s I met a guy who was so incredible interested in all aspects of sex, it kind of blew my mind. We started by discussing agriculture (I was doing study on soils; his was on sheep sperm) and ended up discussing every topic you could possibly imagine and more. We were scientists, so we discussed clinically at first, before a trust developed and we could speak more personally. He was very much into sexual equality. And was quite horrified, and unbelieving, about how sheltered many women's sexual lives were. He was always saying things like, "But don't you talk to your girlfriends about this stuff?" That made me realise how little women talked about sex (except in sewing class!).

I began to talk about sex more after that. Slowly. It's not something you can just bowl right in and start yarning about! But slowly my friends and I began to talk about sex. We discussed the merits of different acts, and how different people changed your reactions. Usually we were drunk when we had these D & Ms!

I think these events (and many others) led me to writing erotic stories. As women, we need to be aware of sex, we need to know what we like and what we don't. We need to know our limits. We need to know where we might like to explore. We need to be able to have discussions with friends, maybe even sober, and we need to know what we'd like a man to do to please us.

With books, you can read as many and varied sex scenes as you like. Let your imagination go wild while you read. What turns you on? What scares you? What makes you curl your lip and/or nose up? What makes you want to try it? What makes you want to steer well away?

Read and explore with words. They're powerful. Open your mind to that.

Then start to know your body.

Maybe even explore.

And when the next guy asks you want you'd like... come up with a list and work your way through it!

And maybe think about keeping that guy - the ones who care what you want aren't so easy to find! :)


  1. And women think we're so open with each other... we're not really.

    1. Yeah, we're not at all. I think it's kind of sad that we kid ourselves about it.

      Thanks for your comment, Lily!

      Cate xo