Friday, June 7, 2013

Phallic Friday - promiscuity

I just finished reading The Yearning by Kate Belle, which I totally loved, but it got me thinking (way too much I fear!). There are a lot of themes in The Yearning but I'm going to focus on the promiscuity aspect - and not the book which I think will be Sunday's Story (if I can get my thoughts together).

Having multiple sex partners, or a multitude of partners, (and I don't mean at the same time) is not a society-friendly way to be... and yet, I don't see anything wrong with it so long as you're up-front about it. Sure, it's not easy in the day of AIDS, STDs, etc. but I find it refreshing to meet people who are around for a short time not a long time.

I'm not a good conformer (nor a good rebel but that's another story) and one thing I was never interested in was marriage (yeah, I know, I capitulated, but again, that's a different story) because I'm not sure we're designed to be monogamous (or maybe that's just me).

One of the problems I had with 'playing the field' is that you need a lot of confidence, or you need to be good looking or rich, and I wasn't any of those! I also remember having people (even friends) making negative comments about there being no steady boyfriend.

I've had friends who have been so good at the multiple partner thing. I learned from them. When I was at uni, I worked with a bunch of people and there was this girl who brimmed with confidence - and went home with different men each Friday night. I admired her immensely. Later I found out she was gay, and I suspect all the men were a smoke-screen... but I never had the courage to ask her! LOL I might have admired a fake!

Some time later I met a guy who had promiscuity down to a fine art. He and his mates were legendary. They never promised more than the moment and I respected them for that - they were always upfront about it. Over the years, I've watched them pull women, I've heard about numerous conquests, and I've lost count of the number of partners I know about. In amongst all the short term sex, there have been long-term girlfriends. I now think they've always been looking for the right life-partner but never finding the right person. They have some horror tales of what bitches women can be. In the last few years they've all gotten married, which I have to say caught me totally and completely by surprise. I didn't think they ever aspired to marriage. I'm not 100% sure they've given up all the short term partners but they're happy in family life.

When they gave in and went to the dark side (marriage :)) I began to wonder if there really is happiness, or fulfillment or whatever it is you need from life, in having a constant drift of partners in your life. I always thought it was a valid choice and a choice I'd have been happy to make (had I been more successful at it!). Maybe there's something to finding someone right for you and conforming to monogamy.

My thoughts are totally scattered - it's that damn book! Hopefully I can pull them together by Sunday!

Do you have any thoughts?


  1. Do you know the primo thought in my mind right now??? It's "It can't be Friday again already". I only just read the post about anal sex!!!!!
    I've heard so many good things about The Yearning. I wish my book budget stretched further!
    Does it sound terribly cynical to say that in our youth, we are so picky and choosy and we think that what we have (partner) is never enough and the grass is always greener. Then, we get older, and somewhere along there, maybe we settle. Hence why the girls/guys who've played the field for a decade, suddenly wake-up and think. Shit! Is that a wrinkle! I better get married before I'm old and decrepit and nobody wants me!

    Lily M

    1. I hear you, Lily. I feel like I'm writing a post every day, and I have no control over my book budget *sigh*

      That's interesting, your thoughts on pickiness. Maybe that's why people say they've "settled" or they took what was available or whatever euphemism they use.

      I wonder if we're programmed to have a limited "playing the field" time...or if we just don't want to be lonely. I'll have to keep thinking...these thoughts will be well-fermented if they ever come together!

      Cate xo