Phallic Friday - swingers

Today's fetish, Swingers, follows on from Group Sex but I think this one is more of a lifestyle couples choice so I separated it.

One of my writing buddies wrote a fabulous ebook she sent to me to explain the Swingers lifestyle...but it doesn't seem to be on Amazon, so I can't recommend it to you. But there seems to be a lot of guides to look at if you're interested.

Swinging is when you are a couple, yet you participate in sex with other people - which can be swapping partners, sharing partners, sharing one or other of the pair, people watching others having sex, all sorts of forms and combinations! And it's not just a one-off thing, this is a lifestyle choice.

The thing that I didn't understand about swinging, which my buddy so beautifully described and sorted out for me, was the jealousy aspect. How do you not compare/be concerned about comparisons/get jealous about the sharing?

Her explanation was that you loved to see your partner experience sex. So it wasn't all about you. It was about you as a couple.

She said it was important that as a couple you were completely open, honest and communicated well through every aspect of this experience. So when your partner is having sex with another women, you might need him to focus on you, so catch your gaze, stare at you, say your name, and that had to be respected by him and done.

It may be that you feel kissing is too intimate an act to share outside of your couple, so then there is a mutual discussion where you both are happy to reach and agreement, and kissing might be 'banned' from the swinging sex. Or maybe you can kiss, but not French kissing/tongue involvement or whatever it is you agree on.

Swinging isn't about cheating on your partner, or getting some different sex. It's about enjoying your partner's experience of sex, and sometimes that might not be with you. But afterwards, you hear all about it, relive it, talk about it, re-enact it, enjoy the pleasure afterwards in whatever way you both enjoy.

And if I think about it that way...it makes a lot of sense. It'd sure make an interesting story :)

Wildlife Wednesday - Grey Butcherbird

A year ago, I did a post about Grey Butcherbirds at Dad's place - you can find it here. Today, I bring you my own Grey Butcherbird, an immature one. He's so very cute.

I've been feeding the little family of magpies for months now, and often after they've been, I've heard a butcherbird nearby but he hasn't shown his face. Then more recently, he's been perching on my clothesline but keeping his distance. I've been tossing him a bit of meat when he visits and eventually he started coming down and collecting it. Then this week, he called out and sat in the nearby tree waiting for me to feed him, which allowed me to get some photos.

It's exciting seeing these birds come into the backyard, and even more exciting when they decide that it's a safe place to visit and feed.

I really miss having my dogs around...but the native wildlife makes up a little bit of the 'loneliness'.

Sunday Story - Heroes

I'm not talking about story heroes here...well, not exactly. I'm thinking more of life heroes...the people you look up to.

I've always had sporting heroes but not too many non-sporting heroes. I don't know why that is. Maybe it's because sports are something I'd really like to do well, yet I don't. Plus I always admire sports people for their tenacity, as well as their skill.

When I was a teenager, as well as footy players, there were jockeys adorning my school diaries. I had a thing for Wayne Harris...and it wasn't only because I thought he was cute, but because he had this drive to be a jockey that kept him going even through broken bones, a broken back, brain cancer. He seemed to be often injured but always smiling and making a comeback. He struggled through adversity to achieve his goals, and all the time seemed like a nice bloke. He's still at the races now, almost hobbling at times, but he always has a smile and a tip for the mug punters who yell out to him. It takes such courage to keep going when it would be easier to give up, but so much more courage to do it with a smile, and remain generous and genuinely nice to people.

I was thinking about this recently - my sporting heroes - because I've been struggling with my writing. I was losing heart because I'm stuck re-writing things when I find that incredible frustrating and disheartening. I don't know why my brain works differently to everyone else's. Why do I want to write in such a way that readers don't want to read? It's been driving me bonkers lately, mostly because I've decided to succumb to 'market pressure' and conform (but not always, I need to do it my way sometimes!).

One day I was incredibly disheartened, and then one of my sporting heroes was being interviewed after a frustrating loss and said that you couldn't give up after one poor game, that you had to "trust in the process and have a little faith." He was talking about the training, the preparation, the game plan, the people around you... but to me, it was about writing.

I can change the way I write. I don't have to make a big deal about it. If I want to write to suit what readers want, then I do that. I know how to write, and even if it's not my preferred way, if it suits others, then that's the plan. I have to 'trust the process, and have a little faith'.

I think trust and faith are two things I struggle with - along with patience. I'm really in the wrong game for someone who struggles with those things, but I think it's the lesson I need to learn in this lifetime.

I don't trust myself. I second guess myself, I question myself, I worry that my decisions aren't right, that I'm not right, that I don't know what I'm doing.

And faith, gee, I've spent the last 10 years learning my craft, learning everything I can about this writing game, but my faith in my ability is pretty poor. I wasn't like this with my science career and I think the difference might be because with science I had a piece of paper to prove what I'd learned. But now I write that, I realise I was scared of all the things I didn't know in science. Every time I got a job, I wondered why on earth they'd employed me. So yep, maybe faith wasn't so hot then either.

And even with all that self-doubt and all those worries...I still expect to have achieved my goals in double quick time. You'd think that I wouldn't be like that. If you doubt your ability, you should be hanging back on the achievements. But I'm not. I'm wanting it to happen yesterday. For it to hurry up.

So, this post is all about me facing the fact that most of the people I admire, are those who've had the difficult road but hung in there, smiled, taken time to be nice, and still achieved. This is something I need to take on board. I need to smile, be nice to people, and allow things to take their own sweet time...if I hang in there, I might achieve my goals, like my heroes.

Phallic Friday - group sex

This week's fetish is group sex. And yes, it's exactly as it sounds...having sex in a group.

And if you've ever wondered at the popularity of this fetish, then do a little Google search 'fetish & group sex' and you might be surprised how many porn and video sites you get! I was. Most times when I Google, I get info sites...but not with this fetish.

Group sex is one of those things people talk about when they're listing their fantasies - it's not something they'd do, but it's something they think about. For each person, the attraction may be different. It might be the exhibitionism (having sex where others can watch) that is attractive, or the voyeurism (watching others have sex) and they're both fetishes in their own right which are coming up for discussion in a few weeks. For some it's the multiple partner aspect, or the group dynamic, or the writhing mass of bodies all with the same objective, or just having sex with others doing the same is the turn on. Sometimes it can be linked with D/s where the submissive is involved at the Dominants request - the Dominant may be watching or may be involved.

Group sex can be linked up with other fetishes too. The Google search seemed to turn up all sorts of other fetishes linked with group sex - feet fetishes, furries, bondage, just to name a few.

There's such an interconnectedness with fetishes. I guess that's because people are multi-faceted and have lots of interests and lots of arousal points. The brain is an incredible organ, and arousal can occur differently in different people...but also differently on different days/with different partners within the same person.

I've learned so much doing these posts, just thinking about each fetish and why that particular thing might cause arousal. I've got all kinds of ideas for my book, but it's also made me think more openly about what might excite a person.

I find the thought of group sex quite overwhelming. I'm a bit of a thinker, so often get lost in my own thoughts, and imagining a group sex scene almost fries the circuitry. I don't know if I could relax my brain enough to feel and react, rather than observe and think and be amazed! Maybe it's different being involved in group sex, rather than just thinking about being involved in group sex.

If you've read Lana, I took that story into a group sex scene (on a small scale) and that was pretty fun to write. I might have to write more group sex scenes...make my circuitry work! :)

Are you a fan of group work?