Phallic Friday - sexless marriage

I read an article (again) that's here if you want to read it... but, it's creating stories in my head!

This article is about a woman who blogged about her marriage (wonder how her hubby and kids took that?). She says she recognised that there was no huge sex drive between herself and her partner, but went through with the marriage anyway because he had all the other traits she was looking for.

She's claiming that sex has dwindled to less than 10 episodes a year, which by some definition means she has a sexless marriage. She says she has not had an affair or looked for sex outside the marriage, but if she ever did, she would say the difference between their libidos would be the reason. It's an interesting article... but leaves so much open and makes me think of a thousand million questions and scenarios and stories.


I've been thinking for ages that I should write a story about this exact topic - a woman in a sexless marriage who has a clandestine affair on the side. But it's not romance! And that's been stopping me.

But it is erotica. It is something topical, if the news website can post such an article, and I think it could make an awesome story.

And what's stopping me?

You know, the biggest thing is ME! I'm a chicken at heart. I'm working my way over it (like by doing this blog!)... but still, I fluff my feathers and buk-buk-buk (does that sound like a chook?) around daily! One day I know I'll have courage but so far, I'm the cowardly lion in the Wizard of Oz.

Enough cliches? I'm procrastinating...when this book is calling to me to write it!!

Would you read it?

Phallic Friday - fun sex

Gosh, Friday came around a little too quickly this week and I'm tapping this out just before it turns to Friday.

Aside from messing up the end, which I'm now un-messing, I finished my latest story. The story about two sporty people having a bonk fest on Lord Howe Island, inspired by the cute footy player. One of my friends just did the overall story read (and found my bad ending - I get all flustered when finishing) and said the sex was a whole lot of fun.

This got me thinking...is sex usually a whole lot of fun?

I didn't consider that I'd written fun sex. I deliberately made this story more light-hearted that deeply emotional. Sometimes, as a reader, I get overdone by the angst in stories, or the heavy conflict, and I wanted to write something that was upbeat and uplifting. Something where the sex was competitive in a good-natured way. I wanted an erotic story that focused on sex. My couple never have sex the same way - and that was a bit of a challenge. At times I thought about making their holiday shorter! But by the end, I was enjoying the creativity and wishing I was in Samantha's place!

Samantha and Cooper have a lot of outdoors sex. I think that's one of the fun aspects - that thrill of being risqué and the fear of being caught. I wish I had their courage (and their body) to bonk outdoors. There's something quite wonderful about open spaces...but for everyone's sake I'll confine my authorly body to clothing!

So, I'm back to the story to fix up the end...and I might just try for one more fun sex scene :)

What's the sex scene you remember as the most 'fun' (real or fictional)?

Wildlife Wednesday - butterfly tree

In Exmouth, we took a stroll to the beach that took us through some scrub. There was this scraggly looking tree that seemed to shimmer. I took a photo (but of course it doesn't look as shimmery as it appeared, so you'll have to believe me how shimmery it was :) ) and when we drew closer it was hundreds of butterflies all on the tree.

I've never seen anything like it and I don't know what type of butterflies they are, but it was magnificent.

And although I've looked in my books and online, I still can't find out what they are.

Phallic Friday - Doms

I just finished a book that had been highly recommended by many people as a book with fantastic BDSM scenes. And you know, I was disappointed.

It had lots of BDSM scenes in it... but they were all 'soft'.

By 'soft', I mean sweet, gentle, kind.

The Dom was so caring, so sweet, so kind... I didn't believe him. I didn't believe her reactions to him, or to the scening.

I guess the author was showing that trust had to be earned through love, even for the smallest things. But it didn't work for me.

And I know I'm weird. I know that most people love this sweetness in a man because my heroes are often 'unsympathetic', 'unlikeable' and I am asked to soften them or tone them down (especially their speech).

But you know, as I read this last night and felt my disappointment and disbelief grow, I wondered if there are other people out there like me, who want a man to be ... harder, tougher, more severe?

Now, in real life, I want something different... but in my BDSM fantasies, I want a bad bad boy who doesn't sit and hug me, stroking my hair and pressing kisses to my head. I want a man who fucks me senseless, then lets me get over it. One who pushes the pain barrier and makes me deal with that. One who doesn't apologise when he's short, or snappy, or rough. One who makes me a stronger person.

I don't want abuse. I don't want a prick. I don't want someone who's rude or ignorant or abrupt or horrid.

I just want a man who is a man and doesn't soften to pander to my emotion.

Do you like the hand holding, hugging Dom? Or are you voting for the tougher man? (And feel free to call me weird... I can handle it!)

Wildlife Wednesday - Pacific Gull

 For the next few months, I'll be sharing wildlife from my Western Australian travels.

First up today is a Pacific Gull. These guys are about twice the size of a regular seagull and have such poise and a debonair nature.

We were sitting at Geraldton beach eating fish and chips, and at the end I saved some chips for the seagulls (the regular one who had sat eyeing me off while I ate!). Then along came Mr Pacific Gull. I was excited. I'd only ever seen them in a book and he was so magnificent. So I lured him with a chip, took a few snaps, then fed him.

Mr E is looking dubiously at me. "It's a Pacific Gull," I say, quite breathless and in awe. He scoffs. "It can't be, we're on the Indian Ocean."

And it threw me. Damn it. I thought I knew this bird. I thought I'd seen a bird I've been waiting to see. And now I was wrong. I had some other bird mistaken for the magnificent Pacific Gull. Shattered, we left. And I wanted my Pizzey (a bird book I have right in the lounge room ready to look up whenever I see a new bird) but in a campervan, after flying across the country, you don;t have your bird book (but when we get our own campervan, I'm having a bookshelf for bird, plant and animal ID books!).

When we got home, I opened up Pizzey and to my complete relief, the bird was a Pacific Gull, even if he was wading in the Indian Ocean. Pacific Gulls are found in WA.

More on the Conference

I wrote about the conference way before I went...and this morning, after the event, I know I missed so much of the feel from the conference. I want to try to describe that - it may be awful because I can't tell you how sore and tired my mind is :)

I'm a terrible introvert and would prefer to be in my cave talking to people via email only. I like small doses of people. I like to think before I say things. I like to weigh up, balance out, check my emotions, sift through implications and probabilities before I utter a word. But lord, when I talk, I talk! And if I'm tired, tipsy, overwhelmed or any other thing that cuts down my reserve, I can talk unchecked, unstopped forever.

And that's what I forgot about the conference. I'm all out of reserve awfully quickly. I think it's the bombarding nature of women with hugs, squeals of excitement, and fast fast chatter. As soon as I'm there, something wells up inside me and a year's worth of talking happens. 

And it's not just talking. It's people watching, listening, planning characters, analysing people's actions and motivations. There are so many different people, all with a common bond, but with many and varied was of working and interacting.

It's also listening and learning from people more experienced in the industry, more experienced with the craft. And they're so giving. Nothing is really sacred once you're under the conference cone of sharing. You know the saying, what happens at conference, stays at conference. Well, it doesn't stay there for me, it comes with me in a small part of my mind where I spend months processing it to work out how this new knowledge fits into my world.

The huge high from meeting like-minded souls cannot be described. In a world where you often feel odd, this one weekend makes sure you feel accepted, included, understood.

Sure a few odd things happen - human nature is always a bit foreign to me. But the overwhelming feeling of love and acceptance overrules.

I have to admit I snuck out to dinner on my own last night to quieten my aching brain. I intended to come back to my room and sleep...but I was waylaid in the lobby and ended up spending a few more hours talking to people I hadn't had much of a chance to talk with earlier.

My voice is hoarse, I have few verbal words left, (you may notice lots of typed words!) but I still have people I didn't get to talk with, or talk enough with. 

I've done such a bad job of capturing how I feel...but it's a start :) now I'm taking my overwhelmed mind off to Perth for a quiet afternoon before flying home tomorrow...back to my cave and my email chatting! Ah, comfort :)

A Little BDSM

A little while back Rachel Kramer Bussel had a call for submissions for an anthology of short short stories (less than 1200 words) with a BDSM theme. I had a little idea I wanted to try, plus I wanted to see if I could write in that theme authentically.

I'm so excited that my story, called Control, was accepted into her anthology! Yippee!

I'll know more details in November, but I'm excited to be in another of her short anthologies (my first published story was Pain Surfer, in Gotta Have It: 69 stories of sudden sex).

I had to do a few edits. They were good pick ups too, and showed a little of my newness to BDSM with some word choices that were not the best. There a so many tricks for new players :)

One edit caused me some angst, mostly because I was under time pressure. I had used the term "buttocks bleed" in a sentence which I was using as the two b-words, plus bleed being a body fluid. And in my head, it was kind of drops of blood after caning or something. But no, it was taken to mean copious amounts of blood. So I had to find something else. So here am I sitting in Sydney airport, waiting for my flight, scribbling lists of body fluids, playing with alliteration, trying to find another way to make this work. My poor husband was trying to keep me away from anyone as I'm muttering sex words to myself, and shaking me head as I couldn't get it right. But finally I had success! Edits done, accepted and story on its way.

And just as well because in my travels I have barely been able to think about writing! Holidays are busy times, with lots to see and do :)

More news in November!