Friday, November 6, 2015

Phallic Friday - first impressions

I was chuckling at this article the other day - you can access it here - listing the guys you're likely to meet on Tinder. Let me list the types of guys they included:
  • Topless guy - always photos without shirt
  • Cute Puppy Guy - photos with dogs, adorable dogs
  • Multiple people in my profile pic - so maybe you'll just glance and think we're all hot
  • Corporate loser guy - photo taken in a bar wearing a suit
  • Me with a famous person guy - photos that say, "check out what great company I keep"
  • Me and my hot friend guy - photos where maybe you'll mistake me for my hot mate
  • I'm always surrounded by hot babes guy - photos with lots of attractive women
  • Selfie guy - photos you've taken of yourself (often naked).

This list made me laugh, and cringe. In general, we make such snap judgements on first impressions, even with photographs. Profile photographs on a dating site (kind of like author pics) must be the most difficult thing to decide upon - if you think about it for more than a moment.

I think too much about this sort of thing. A selfie is, for me, the simplest and easiest way to get a profile shot...but it's not easy to take a selfie. So, what do you do? Ask a friend to take a shot for you? I had to do this once for a work colleague (for a work shot, not a Tinder profile) and I found it really difficult. What I thought was a good shot, he hated, and vice versa. I thought a 'location' shot was kind of staged and tacky, a big toothy smile was too much, but that's what he wanted and that's what I took - it was for him after all, what did my opinion matter? But doing that made me realise that we all have different interpretations of what we see. When I saw tacky and goofy, he saw warm, friendly, and works in that location.

It makes me remember a clothes party I went to where this busty girl tried on a shirt. She came out saying, "Man, I'll take this. Check how great it makes my boobs look." Her Mum agreed with her and happily forked out the money for said shirt. I was sitting there hoping to heck she'd buy it a few sizes larger so the buttons didn't pop off as they strained to hold the fabric across her boobs. Where I looked and saw a shirt too small, she looked and saw her great assets.

And maybe this article is written by someone like me - cynical - and not by someone who wants to look warm and friendly, or happy with their mates, or comfortable with fame or attractive women.

They say, "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and maybe first impressions are just the same.


  1. Here's one for you. Yesterday we were at Geographe Bay farewelling my in-laws who are doing a cruise and the ship had a scheduled Port visit to Busselton. There was a girl in a bikini. Now she was definitely curvy, and she was with her bloke, she had a nice tan and they were both happily strolling up and down the beach and out on the jetty. Hubby was the one who commented on her weight in the bikini. Where I saw confidence in the curves and a girl who didn't care if she was (by the book) perhaps overweight... he thought she shouldn't be showing off a bikini bod. So yes, it's all in the eye of the beholder. I think "good on her" why the hell not.

    1. That's so interesting. I watched The Dressmaker at the movies yesterday and I was thinking about your comment. Kate Winslet is a full-bodied woman and it was set in the 1950s when those body shapes were glamorous and clothes were made to fit the body regardless of curves. Mostly I was cheering that she looked fantastic, but a couple of times I found myself thinking about her 'size' and I shocked myself. Kate Winslet looked awesome...there's no way I should be thinking about her being anything but that...yet, I think I've become a bit conditioned to seeing waif-thin women on the big screen. I kind of wish I wasn't tainted like that.

      I wonder if that's what has happened with society - we're so used to 'fat-shaming' and commenting on people's size, we do it without even really wanting to.

      It's an interesting thought, and I'm so glad you made this comment so it was fresh in my mind!

      Cate xo