Sunday, November 24, 2013

Sunday Story - Deep Diving (again)

Last week I said I'd sent out my latest story to my fab team of crit partners and beta readers. I sort of stagger it so someone reads chapter by chapter, then the reader who gives the best 'story' crit gets it first to give me overall tips, which I fix, then it goes to the next, who gives great 'line edits', which I fix. Then to other crit partners and beta readers. It's taken a while to perfect my system but I love it now!!

Oh, I should tell you a bit about the story, hey? (first attempt at a blurb - which I'm useless at writing!)

Samantha Caine, newly retired triathlete, meets Cooper Sterling, rugby league player,on Lord Howe Island when they're paired up as dive buddies. After enjoying each other's company all day, Cooper asks her to be more than dive buddies...but Sam doesn't want to be just a notch in his bedpost, or goalpost, she wants to be remembered. So begins their ten-day holiday fling. Two tough competitors each trying to win and never repeating a sex act.

I think some of the early feedback is worth sharing, because it made me laugh.

  • I lost Samantha’s conflict.  
  • You dangle two things and then don’t deal with them.   
  • Two photo comp scenes could actually be the one.
  • The addition of aging parents thread / Coop's granddad seems unnecessary.
  • Coop's charity/business – not sure what it actually is. 
  • Not sure about this line – sounds too cocky and arrogant. 
  • He’s adorable without being too good to be true – she’s strong and competitive without being awful with it.
  • Ooooh, is 'deep diving' a metaphor for diving into a relationship? Letting someone in close.
  • Goodness, this story's so hot my lady parts have spontaneously combusted.

So, it's worth going to the team to get the best story I possibly can. Writing is never a solo journey, not for me! It's about a bunch of people throwing in their bit and me making it all work. And I love the people who throw their bit in. I have a huge bunch and each seems to have a particular role.

Early on in this story, one of the team told me I always wrote wimpy girls and I should try to make this one tougher. Hard, yes, but true. I hope I met the challenge. I'm still waiting on the verdict!!

And here are the inspirations for my hero - my two favourite rugby league players. You can see from these pictures there's not a lot of similarity between them!! I told you it's their game that enthralled me :)
(But maybe if they had lots of shirtless images in the 80s, you might see more similarities!)

Cooper Cronk

Peter Sterling Rugby League Hardman, Hero and Legend. Peter Sterling played for Australia, Parramatta, Hull, during the Era of the Biff
Peter Sterling


  1. Good blurb! I agree with you on the Beta readers/critique partners. You and I are in the same phase at the minute, I have my golf story (Fairway To Heaven) out with Betas. I'm getting good feedback so far. Because you shared yours - I thought I'd share a couple of my comments which will be good for a laugh:

    • I’m not a golfer, and I can’t say the vagina bit of the storyline was something I would have had the balls to write about.

    • As I said, the tone of your writing can be a little inconsistent – sweet and homely for 90%, then rather confronting, which is unusual, but also rather original and surprising. Kind of stirs things up a bit, so not all bad.

    Enjoy the process.
    Lily M

    1. Oh, now I'm intrigued! You said confronting vagina things when you hid their nakedness in a bunker?! Can't wait to see what the vagina thing is!

      Thanks for sharing. I'm looking forward to Fairway :)

      Cate xo

    2. I'm sure that whatever you're thinking... it's not what you think.