Friday, August 2, 2013

Phallic Friday - monogamy or not?

I remember as a child, raised in a Catholic upbringing complete with all the strict rules, I discovered what a 'virgin' was (as in the Virgin Mary. I heard so much about her but never knew what this virgin part meant) and was horrified we venerated someone who'd never had sex. I wish I knew what horrified me so much about it...but I was a bit of an animal nut, so it was probably that I knew sex was a 'natural' part of animals' life and so I thought it should be the same for humans. Although, that may be my adult mind justifying a child's feelings that were completely different.

I was determined from that day not to die a virgin. It's something I didn't share with my parents, mind you :) But getting over that Catholic guilt thing wasn't so easy either. I was torn between wanting to do the "right thing" and wanting to do what I felt was right for me.

This seems to be a continuing dilemma in my life. I also did not want to get married. I felt marriage was a male inspired state, to keep women under their control.

So with these strong thoughts, monogamy was not something I aspired to either. I studied environmental biology and animal biology fascinated me. In the animal kingdom there are examples of monogamy (eg swans), polygamy (eg hyenas), and no pairing up at all. I think this should be the same in humans, and I wanted to be in the no pairing up category. I have no maternal desires, and I carry some not pleasant genes, so children were never going to be a part of my life. I had no need for monogamy.

Of course, life always has its laugh at me, and I met a man who is ultra-conservative, firmly believes in marriage and wanted to marry me. I tried to dissuade him. I tried to express my horror. In the end I compromised, and joined society's norm of being married.

I'm not convinced about monogamy, still, but I made a commitment. However, with my writing, I struggle to write a story where my characters end up in a Happy Ever After, because deep down I don't believe it's possible. Yet I've seen it. My parents had a HEA, both sets of my grandparents did. My hubby's parents are still together. I've seen it in action...I should believe it. I should understand it. I should be able to write it. I can't. The best I can do, is a Happy For Now ending.

Do you believe in monogamy? And Happy Ever Afters? Do you think we should mate for life?


  1. I had a friend a long time ago who did a thesus in this type of thing. I think she believed humans by rote were not a monogamus society. I'll have to think about it and see if I can remember the reasons she argued why.

    Lily M

    1. What an interesting thesis - you have good friends Lily!

      Cate xo