Fearless Friday - societal conventions

When I went on a writing retreat... way back, months ago... I started another story in the Glebe Gannets series (Team Player was the first one, and so far the only one). This one is about an older woman and a young footy player. He doesn't fit society norms - and I don't wnat to give him a label. 

I've got a notebook filled with scribble, and last night I managed to sit and type some. I was thinking about societal standards and conventions when a Rugby League story ran across my twitter feed and got me thinking.

I grew up in a time when societal conventions were quite strongly adhered to - although they were breaking apart. I was someone who questioned all these stupid standards that stopped me doing things, so I've not been good at knowing what these standards are or caring too much about them. However, most of my family group and many friends, care deeply about them.

As I wrote this story, Ashton has no clue about standards and is questioning Angie all the time about "why?" His questioning makes her question too. So she's coming to realisations as she patiently explains things, and sees how silly her explanations become.

This is kind of where I think we are in a society too. There is a generation of youth who don't really understand or give a shit about convention. There are an older generation who hold dearly to convention and will die defending them. Then there's a bunch of us in the middle who have started dismantling, and can see both sides.

And back to the Rugby League story. A female Indigenous player made some social media posts (I haven't seen them) about the Queen's death that offended many people. She's been penalised for this. One journalist went so far as to call this 'the most reprehensible thing in Rugby League'. 

The most reprehensible thing? Lordy! After some of the things that have happened in rugby league, I think that's a ridiculous call. But anyway...I'm not going to delve into that.

I think this is a case where societal conventions are confused by social media. 

In the collective of society, the Queen's death has been mourned across the world, with the media saturation and perpetuation of the grief incredible.

If you're someone who ignores the media (as in news, commercial media, etc) and has social media as your point of reference, then the people who are in your social media 'group' are the ones you take your cues from. They're the ones who are setting your societal conventions, so to speak.

If your social media is curated to being only the things you're passionate about, believe in, and support - then you may have a different view of what's accepted in the wider community, than what the wider community sees.

I have a wide mix of people in my social media feeds and I skim it rather than devour it. So I see a lot of varying views. And I like that. I like to think about things from different perspectives, and develop my own thoughts (or open my mind to other ideas). There was a huge outpouring of grief for the death, but I also saw a lot of people who were not grieving at all and saw this as a time of change.

At present, the wider narrative is about the grief, sadness, loss and what a wonderful woman. The world media has ensured that. But what if your social feed was not showing that? How would you know?

Societal conventions are constructions that exist because it's a majority held belief. There is always going to be people opposing every convention (I think that's human nature). 

How do we deal with these people? In most cases, they're punished for not conforming.

I'm not sure that we should be dealing out punishment for non-conformity.

And that's where Angie and Ash's book lies... me treading a path of non-conformity, and wondering if I've gone too far! Maybe that's why I'm struggling to write.

Hmmmfff...I just hit myself in the face with that thought! That is most likely the case. Every idea I have at the moment is treading a fine line in non-conforming. I'm struggling with myself as to whether or not I should "go there". Huh!?!?! This is almost three years of mulling and I think I've finally seen what my 'unable to write' problem is. 

Fearless Friday needs to be Fearless every day.

Thanks for reading the thoughst of my rambling mind.

Cate xo

Fearless Friday - writing

You're probably aware that writing and I have not been too friendly these last couple of years. Ideas are there but not the words to flesh them out. I've been taking photos instead and doing little scribbles and just seeing where life takes me creatively.

But I've been invited to a writing event. My heart is so full of joy and excitement. I've been preparing for some time now, but in the back of my mind I was scared it would get cancelled or borders would close down or something disastrous (and you know, that may still happen, so I'm not over the fear of that yet!).

In this whirlwind of writing joy, I began to write again. Just a few lines, just for a few days, but words have started the slow trickle out.

And the story I've begun has been percolating for some time - way back when Team Player was being 'birthed'. It's a Glebe Gannets story, with one of the guys we met briefly in Team Player. A young guy, like Lyle, called Ashton.

His story idea came to me in a whoosh! He's a bit different - he's blunt, unapologetic, a footy nerd - some might say he's 'on the spectrum' but I don't want to label him. He's just uniquely Ashton. And he's young, I mentioned that, right? Somewhere between 18 and 20. So young.

But he meets this woman. God, it's so intense because she lets him be. He's usually told to shutup, be different, calm down, whatever. She just smiles and lets him talk. She lets him be Ashton. But she's not young. She could be his mother but he's not worried about that - she is though!

It's a story about shame - her shame. Her shame at wanting a younger man. Her shame of being seen as a footy groupie at her age. Her shame of sex. Body shame. Ageing shame. So much shame.

I'd tried to write it but it was bogged down in her feelings of inadequacy and awfulness - even though she was a successful woman. And I hated that. I couldn't write it.

When I began recently, I began writing as Ashton. Wow! What a change. I can depict her as a strong sexy incredible woman. That's what he sees. That's who is attractive to him. And her fears have to come out verbally, because he's pretty shit at picking up cues.

I don't think I've written (anything published) from the male perspective before, and I hadn't been comfortable doing it either. But Ash is a chatterbox and he's happy to tell this story. He wants to burn through this bullshit shame. He wants to love fiercely. He doesn't give a shit about age.

Maybe the last few years of no words has been about me changing my perspective and breaking out of my own boxes with how I write. Maybe I stuck myself in a place, and even if I wasn't completely happy there, I told myself that's how I had to write. That's how it worked. That's how the world worked. I have a few story ideas that aren't 'normal'. That are breaking out of what I usually do. It's thrilling and terrifying all at once.

Now, as I'm getting ready to go back into the writing community, I'm hoping that I can hold this new me. That I can keep this new (for me) way of writing and not get lured back to that corner where I hid.

So, wish me luck! I hope Ashton will keep yabbering at me and keep me away from shame and society's view of the non-sexiness of older women :) :)

I went to the footy last weekend too - I wonder if being in a crazy-high footy crowd also boosted my writing mojo!?

Footy Friday again

Last one, I promise! For this year anyway :)

Back in 2013 or 14, we started going to the games at WIN Stadium, which is the closest to us (and the home of Mr E's team). We make a day out of it and go and watch all the games that are on.

I really like watching the lower grade games because these guys are the next NRL heroes. You rarely get to see these guys on TV, but the talent some of them have is freaky. But it takes more than just talent to make it in the NRL. You're playing a team game, so you have to fit into a team. You have to work hard regardless of where you play. You have to have a personality that's ready to listen and learn, but also confident enough to see you through.

I like to watch the younger guys and see if I can pick who'll make it through and who we don't see again.

I had my eye on one guy because he showed all the traits I thought would make him an excellent NRL Player. On the field, he was fast and talented. A winger, but he came in for hard work taking up the ball when the forwards needed a break. His positional play was excellent. And fast, he could sprint down the field so quickly it was brilliant.

After their game, these guys often came and sat in front of us to watch the next game, so we'd get to see their interaction with each other and with the fans who came for autographs.

This guy was often out first. He sat to the side, but everyone sat with and around him. He was part of the team, joined in, laughed and joked with the others. But when kids came up to them, he never big-noted, was always polite, and would 'introduce' the kids to the other team members and sometimes nudge a guy to sign something. It's such a stupid word, but he seemed like a 'nice' guy.

At the end of 2018, I was absolutely devastated to read that he'd been dropped from the Dragons squad. Guys who were flashy and arrogant were kept - even though I felt they were never going to make it in NRL because of that attitude, no matter how talented they were.

In 2019, I rejoiced when I saw he'd been picked up by Manly. I think it's the only time in my life I've ever cheered for Manly, but I have been all year (except when they play Parra!).

He had a brilliant debut year and was up for the NRL Rookie of the Year, and won the Manly one.

Then he got picked for the Junior Kangaroos team.

I was absolutely thrilled for him and I loved watching him. But I'm also chuffed that I could pick a junior and watch him move through the grades to become a star. Mr E is still shaking his head at me and saying I'm creepy, but I mean nothing creepy or horrible.

I love watching people achieve. And the last few years have been such fun watching someone's NRL development.

Footy Friday

Ryan Papenhuyzen scoring a try

I had a brilliant day at the footy last Friday. It was warm, but there was a nice cooler breeze, and we had a few passing splatters of rain but not enough to worry you.

The Junior Kangaroos at half time

Three games of football where the Junior Kangaroos beat France (62 - 4). This was a fabulous game if you were an Aussie. It gave the younger guys a great opportunity to throw the ball around, make connections, and experience the exhilaration of playing for your country.

Kira Dibb and a drop out

Shakiah Tungai scores

Look at the crowd in to watch the girls

The Jillaroos beat the Kiwi Ferns (28 - 8) but it seemed a much tougher game than the scoreline suggests. It was so good to see a good crowd to watch that game too. And afterwards, the girls walked around the ground and were in high demand.

Before the game, during the National Anthem, I got tears in my eyes. It was so moving. Women playing NRL, a woman refereeing, and female ballkids too.

Autographs and photos for ages

Josh Ado-Carr's try

Celebrating the win

The Kangaroos beat the Kiwis (26 - 4) in a game that I thought was a bit flat. But I guess I'd just seen two incredible games, and this one was a bit more of a stop-start affair. But it was great to watch some of the tough defense and the mad skills of Latrell Mitchell and speed of Josh Ado-Carr.

Before the game, the National Anthem was sung and goosebumps this time. The crowd of ~18 000 people sang. This rarely happens at the Rugby League, and it was such a moment. WIN stadium was filled with voices, pride, and possibly a few who object to the wording. I wish we could find wording that everyone could be proud of. That's one thing NZ do well with the Maori version of their anthem sung first and then the English version. It's incredibly moving.

Tyson Frizell

Ben Hunt and Cameron Munster

Footy Friday

Three International Games today

3.10 pm Junior Kangaroos vs France

Oh, I can't wait for this. The Junior Kangaroos are young guys who mostly play 1st grade, so there's not a lot of junioring about it. There are some speedy guys - Kalyn Ponga, Reuben Garrick, Ryan Papenhuyzen, Campbell Graham, Zac Lomax. Some big clever runners and offloaders - Angus Crichton, David Fafita, Victor Radley. There's bucketloads of enthusiasm - Brodie Croft and Reed Mahoney. And I can't wait to scream myself silly - or cheer loudly anyway!

Then there's Jillaroos vs Silver Ferns (Australia vs New Zealand women's game). Last week, the Silver Ferns beat the Jillaroos in the World Cup 9s, and I don't think the Jillaroos were very happy about that. Let's see if they can fight back and take the win. There are some cracker players in both teams, so this will be brilliant! I can't wait.

And then there's the Australian Kangaroos vs New Zealand Kiwis (men's game). My favourite player has retired so I'm without a specific player to watch. I'll be cheering for the team in this one.

I love how the rugby league season has drawn out a little longer this year. Although, it's forecast to be in the 30s, so maybe the players won't be so thrilled at the drawn out season. I'm going to bask and enjoy the games.

Sunday Story - retiring heroes

My sporting hero retired last weekend with a Grand Final win as a fitting farewell (as well as a professional foul and 10 minutes in the sin bin, but we'll forget about that for now).

His rugby league achievements are phenomenal in terms of statistics, wins, and trophies. For me, it's other things that have made him my hero. I think the Australian coach summed up what I've always noticed - that's he's the greatest team player. And many said the same after the Grand Final - how he made them a better player, how he made the team a better team.

And so, he's left the playing field a little emptier but as a person, I'm much changed by having watched him play the sport he loves.

The lasting 'gifts' my two greatest sporting heroes have brought to my life are:

Mindfulness. I'll always associate that with him.

My previous hero gave me the gift of knowing that it was okay for my car to have a good, sheepskin car seat only on the driver's seat. LOL! This is not something Mr E is real thrilled about - but then he only gets in my ute occasionally!

Have your heroes left lasting impressions on your life?

After the NRL Grand Final

A friend asked me how I felt about Cooper Cronk playing when injured, in last Sunday’s NRL Grand Final. It’s a good question. Of course, I was glad he was playing because I want to watch the best in a Grand Final - same as I was happy Billy Slater was also playing. I believed the torn rotator cuff story, so I always thought Coops would play. At the beginning of the game, he looked like he had some movement in his arm and that was good. By the end of the game, I was glad they took him off the field. When Boyd Cordner said that Cronk had played with a broken scapula, I almost fell off the chair. How on God’s earth could somebody play with that?

Mental toughness is something I’ve always associated with Cronk. Last year, when he was leaving the Storm, he said something that changed my life, strangely enough. He said every time he got emotional about leaving he’d just bring himself back to the present moment and centre himself again. Maybe they weren't the exact words, but that’s what I remember. To me, he spoke of mindfulness—something I’d always struggled with, alongside meditation. I then picked up a book on mindfulness and read it with new eyes. I began to change, become well. And that makes no sense whatsoever … but I’m crediting Cooper Cronk with that change in mindset.

When you’re good at mindfulness and meditation, it is supposed to allow you to minimise pain (among other things). By limiting pain, you can focus on your body and help it heal. For Coops to play 78 minutes of football, and make those seven tackles, is nothing short of incredible. How far along the mindfulness journey is he?

Playing sport with broken bones isn’t the most sensible thing to do. If I’m a kid looking at my hero doing that, when I break my bone do I want to do the same thing? Does it set a bad example? Does it bring up issues of player welfare? Does it bring up issues of doctors allowing people to do things that aren’t safe for them?

I struggled with those questions. I searched online for articles so I could have some answers. In my mind Cooper Cronk isn’t somebody who would play with serious injury, putting himself in jeopardy, or his team. But I had no evidence for that except my own gut feeling and when someone is your hero, gut feelings get mixed up with your own expectations. Pedestals are pretty rocky places!

In my scrolling through articles, of which there were many, I found that the pedestal rocked but didn’t topple. Thank goodness!

The Roosters’ medical team was said to have scoured the Internet and the world looking for answers to the questions they had. All this while keeping the injury a secret. It’s quite incredible that they could do that and the media didn’t get a whiff of the story. When you read about what they did, how they got x-rays, ultrasounds and MRIs, to pinpoint the diagnosis and injury site, it’s rather incredible. The Roosters’ Dr said that the injury could not have gotten worse by playing and I think that’s a telling factor. It’s a shame that major detail was lost in a late paragraph of one article. That information should be front and centre, so kids know that even though it was a man’s decision to play in the Grand Final, it was backed up by doctors’ advice that the injury couldn’t get worse.

In the State of Origin in 2016, I think, Coops broke his wrist, and came off the field immediately. That injury healed far quicker than anyone imagined, and at the time everybody said how amazing his recovery had been and how much time he put into that injury to heal it. That doesn’t seem to have come to light again and yet that’s another important factor. Cronk knows his body, he knows what he can push through and what can’t. When he broke his wrist, he was off before the trainers got to him. He knew he couldn't continue to play - this time, same bloke, different injury, and different story.

Another important factor is his position in that club. The medical staff went all out to make sure this guy could not play. They weren’t going to rule him out without being absolutely certain. To me, that shows the influence he has on that team, and the need they had for him.

He played 40 minutes in the week before’s Final with the injury, where his teammates protected him, covered for him, and looked out for him. At the end of that game, Joseph Manu said that he’d done everything he could to protect Coops. For teammates to do that, your presence must be important. In the Grand Final, this happened even more. Cronk may have been there directing play, taking the heat off people, and in cover defense, but every other person in that team did more than their job to ensure that he could be there in that limited role. I don’t think that’s something many people would inspire.

At the end of the game, there was something different about Roosters Cronk compared with Storm Cronk. Storm Cronk seemed that little bit aloof, held back from people, at least in the public eye. Roosters Cronk was a little bit like that, but then he got pulled into the middle of that Roosters team, he wasn’t on the outside, he wasn’t on the edge, he was right in the middle. In going somewhere new, maybe that’s what has to happen. You have to make new friends, you have to fit in, you have to link and make links with every person. When you’re established, you have your crowd and you can extend a welcome to new people, but you’re established you don’t have to make the huge number of connections to fit right in.

I think that’s the most incredible thing about Cooper Cronk. I wondered how he’d fit in with the new team, a new bunch of blokes who seemed so different to the ones he played with in Melbourne. For him to have forged the bonds we saw on Sunday—bonds so strong that people will cover for you, protect you, and look after you—is something quite phenomenal. To achieve that in 12 months blows my mind. I think the calibre of the man, not just the footballer, has been shown with this move to Sydney.

And then there’s the comment he made about his wife, Tara, which was beautiful. He claimed that she pushed him to play, pointing out how important another Grand Final was to him. The strength, then, of that woman is also phenomenal. I suspect she’s a large part of the reason why he continued to play after his move to Sydney. I think she may have known he wouldn’t be happy retiring before his time.

In a post-match interview he said the Storm had created him into the player, and person, he is now but that the Roosters had allowed him to have a family and move to Sydney. What a fabulous way to look at major changes in life, especially when you have to beat your mates to succeed.

There’s bravery in starting over, especially when you’ve been at the top. But conquering that fear, and coming out on top, like he has, is incredibly inspiring.

Although a part of me thinks it’s crazy to play in the Grand Final with a broken scapula, I will never forget that he did. I will never forget what that shows. I’ve used him as a hero in many of my stories, but I’ve never made him heroic enough. Sometimes real life is better than fiction—and with Cooper Cronk and Tara, I need to step up my game. He’s my hero and she’s fast joining him. Hope to God they never fall off that pedestal!

Footy Fever

It's Grand Final weekend for the AFL and NRL...which means lots of research for me :)

My team didn't make it - they were totally at the wrong end of the table.

And I don't know if my footy hero will be playing - he's under an injury cloud - but I think if he stayed on the field last week in agony, he'll be there this week. And it's not like the injury is new - he had that shoulder taped a few years ago. Weird that it wasn't taped when he reinjured it last week. Anyway, enough of my musing.

Hope your team wins! But especially Lily Malone's West Coast Eagles, and my hero's Roosters.

Saturday Soapbox - Women's footy

NSW Blues Womens Team, July 2017

I need to have a little rant.

Although I'm completely super excited by women's football becoming a professional competition in AFL and NRL... I have issues.

In both codes, the women's competition is billed as Women's and it's different to the Men's... and yet, in both AFL and NRL it's beholden to the Men's comp. That's what's annoying me.

In AFL the women's comp has been extended to include more teams...but now they're proposing a 'dodgy' comp where each team does not play each other because they're trying to squeeze the contest into a very small window between summer sport and the beginning of Men's AFL.

I know sport is competitive for spectators, but it's hardly a legitimate comp if not all teams meet and if it's squeezed in between other men's, more popular, fixtures. So it's billed as a great professional sport and yet it's treated like an also-ran, fill-in until the legitimate sport start. Is this complete double standards?

This is quite a big crowd for the early game, State of Origin

In NRL, they've started with 4 teams, only 1 is based in Sydney. And the contest starts in just over a week...and there is not yet a draw. I suspect this is because the NRL are waiting to find out how the men's competition ends up to see where the semi-final games will be played, to then work around the women's games. WTF? Once again, this women's comp which is billed as a great professional thing, is being treated less than professionally because we're squeezing it in around the men's competition.


I know women who are following women's sports with their kids and partners because it's a different game - less mired in controversy, less impacted by money. It's more aligned to teaching kids how to play team sports - for the love of the game, the joy of teamwork, the improvement of skills. Sport doesn't have to be played for the money, gambling, or the media. It doesn't need to be a multi-million dollar industry.

NSW Winners. Maddie Studdon with cup and fans

If playing women's games before the men is the aim to draw in crowds - which I suspect the NRL may do (but who knows since there's no draw yet!) - doesn't guarantee a crowd at the women's game. I've attended Rugby League games for years and the early games are seen by a very small number of people. About 80% of the crowd turn up in the 30 mins before the main game...and boy, do they miss out on some good footy!

So... I'd like to crow about my membership to Women's NRL...but I can't because I have nothing to show for it - even the clubs are waiting on the draw to hand out memberships.

Please, allow women's professional sport to flourish, without making it subservient to the men's game.

Phallic Friday - Release Day for Team Player

Today is release day for Team Player!!! The MMF I've been chatting about in recent times.

I did a FaceBook release party slot for JA Low and her release last week, and I realised that I never spend any time on FB chatting to people.

Many years ago, I was addicted to chatting online, and so I've consciously avoided falling into that trap again (because I don't have time for addictions if I want to write, and have a hubby, and eat, etc!). But I have gone the other way where I fly on for a few minutes, chuck a few words on someone's post, like a few things, then fly off and do work, or write, or cook, or living stuff.

But release day is a good time to spend the day chatting with reader friends, isn't it? I'll be juggling the day job with chatting, so hopefully that'll work.

Besides, taking myself to lunch isn't all that exciting :)

So, come and visit me on FaceBook if you're bored today. Hopefully the day job won't decide that they need me to be frantic, and I'll be chatting!

Facebook author page http://www.facebook.com/CateEllinkAuthor

Other places to find me today:

 

ARRA have a giveaway on their post for Team Player today. (You might need to hunt for it a little)

AusRom Today have a guest post from me today too. (And the lovely J'aimee suggested Team Player was a MUST READ for August, which I'm very happy about, especially since there are some writing friends on that list too).

BLURB:

She’s never been shy about what she wants – and now she wants them both…

Hannah Maynard, sports reporter, is sure it’s only her lust-filled fantasies linking Australian rugby league captain, Charlie Maxxin, with relative newcomer, Lyle Smythe-Jones. She and Charlie have shared quite a few steamy sessions over the years, so surely he’s not in a relationship with the young, unflappable player she’s dubbed Marble Boy?

Hannah lures Charlie to dinner and his reaction is all the answer she needs. But she doesn’t want to report on the biggest secret in Australian sport – she wants to take part. However, it’s not just Charlie’s decision and it can’t be just casual. If Hannah wants in, she has to be all in, with Lyle, with Charlie, and with the hottest action any of them have ever experienced.