Wednesday, August 21, 2019

Weird Wednesday Wonderings

This is just a random weird post of me trying to sort out my head.

So, I did a thing a few months back, where I rented out space to a young guy who needed a place to stay so he could keep the job he loved.

When he'd been here for some time, something happened. Actually, a whole lot of things happened. But in a nutshell, I got really busy doing things and even though I noticed things were slipping with him, I didn't know how to ask without prying so I left it. I did most of the usual things I'd been doing but I didn't do any extra, or ask any questions.

Then he left his job. Left our place. Something happened and he was gone back home.

I'm left wondering if I did enough. Wondering what on earth happened. Did he really love his job and then fall out of love with it so quickly?

I remember being a kid, and yes, these things happen. You drift in and out of things. Permanence isn't necessary because there's a whole world to explore. You aren't bound by commitments.

Although, I was bound by duty - or what I perceived was my duty. I was taught that commitments were things you couldn't break and I often took these teachings to the nth degree.

I was a Brownie Guide and when I was 8 years old, I made the Brownie Promise which was quite a solemn oath that I took very seriously - and I find even to this day, it often plays in my mind. The words were: I promise that I will do my best to do my duty to God. To serve the Queen and my country. To help other people and to keep the Brownie Guide Law. The law was: A Brownie Guide thinks of others before herself and does a good turn every day.

They're pretty full on promises for a little kid to make. And I was promising to put everyone before me - which kind of grates at my nerves today.

These promises have very much shaped my life.

When I was the age of the young man who stayed with me, I had an opportunity to quit what I was doing and take another path. I didn't take the other path, not because of any deep thoughts, but because I'd be breaking my commitment to what I was currently doing.

When my jobs have been detrimental to my mental health, I've hung in there ... because I'd made a commitment.

I wonder what my life would be like if I'd not taken the Brownie stuff to heart and followed opportunities as they arose.

I wonder what this young guy's life will be like and if in time, he'll wonder what would have happened if he'd stayed.

Maybe life is all about these sliding door moments. Destiny is all about whether or not we manage to slip in the closing door, or stay right where we are.

I have no answers to any of this. It's just random musings to get them out of my head.

Friday, August 16, 2019

Fearless Friday - promo

I'm just back from the annual RWA Conference, this year it was in Melbourne. It's such an incredible weekend of information, friends, networking, catching up on industry news, meeting people, talking, and all sorts of book/writing things.

This year I had a mission. As the other me, a friend and I had a book out - for writers. So I planned to do promo and generate some interest at conference. I had a heap of magnets to give away and a box of books to sell.

The layout of conference wasn't really conducive to people picking up freebie stuff. And people don't really pick up freebies. So, I grabbed all my courage and I roamed around at morning tea shoving magnets in people's hands.

I don't know why, but I feel like a beggar when I do that. I wonder if I had to beg in a past life, because it's massively uncomfortable for me to face down that fear/discomfort. Actually, it is a fear, because I'm waiting the whole time for someone to yell at me and chase me away - I'm not quite sure who would do this, but it's still that fear in me.

And then I had to leave early, and I had about 60 books that weren't looking like being bought and weren't going to fit in to my luggage restriction for the flight home. What to do!?

I shoved them in unsuspecting hands.

And yes, even giving away a book I still felt like a beggar. I know it's insane. But I did.

I gave away quite a lot of books, facing down all that fear of someone yelling at me.

This week is recovery week.

I love conference, but man it takes it out of me!

I'll try to get post some notes of what I learned next week - my brain might work by then!

Sunday, August 4, 2019

Connecting with Strangers

I don't know who said this, and googling didn't help me this time, but I love this quote:

People are only strangers if you let them be strangers; otherwise, they’re only strangers for an instant.

It's coming up to RWA Conference time, so meeting people is on my mind. I went to my first RWA Conference in 2009... and shared a room with my Critique Partner. We'd been working together for a bit over a year, and yet we were meeting face-to-face for the first time at conference - and sharing a room! Sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it? But it was awesome!

For quite a few years I've shared a room with someone I've not met face-to-face, and it's been such fun. It's the whole 'getting to know you' after already kind of knowing them through their online presence.

The wonderful thing is that most people's online presence is just the same as their face-to-face one! That's always astounding, even as it seems obvious.

Recently, I've had a boarder share my home, and it's been a similar kind of thing. You know someone from chatting to them in a work situation, but you get to meet them on a whole different level in a out-of-work space. I've really enjoyed that experience, and I'd do it again too (you know, if it was entirely up to me).

This RWA Conference, I'm sharing with three people I've never met face-to-face, but they all know each other. It seems crazy that you can chat to people for years online and never actually manage to meet up... but I'm rectifying that! And I'm so looking forward to it.

How do you go with strangers? Do they quickly become friends?

Friday, July 26, 2019

Fearless Friday - YouTube

OMG! I've taken this Fearlessness WAAAAAYYYYYY further than I ever expected to go.

I'm doing YouTube videos.

Not just writing a book where I discuss the weird and wacky and writing... but now I'm putting my face out there and speaking about it freely. With a lot of laughter!

This is getting over quite a lot of my fears.

I'm not great at public speaking, but I have been doing it through my roles in various jobs for some time. So fear of public speaking is being addressed.

I have a dread/hatred of seeing my face... and now it's out there, in your face, on weekly videos! And last weekend, I told my family about this, and my 7 year old niece said, "You're using your face on YouTube?" If it wasn't a kid asking me, I'd have got my back up about that question, but I explained that it was the only face I had and I just had to do it. But I misunderstood what she was asking. As a kid, her Mum won't let her put her face on YouTube, so if they're on there, it's faceless (which is great for a 7-year-old). So, her shock and horror wasn't about me using my face as she deemed it ugly or old or something (as I'd assumed) but that I was 'allowed' to use my face as an adult. Lucky I didn't jump down her throat with my issues causing poor assumption of her question. So, my face fear is being smashed (or at least faced!)

I'm talking all sorts of alternate/woo-woo/spiritual practices and how I use them in my daily life. Pretty much looking the fear of ridicule squarely in the face.

I'm opening up the right side of my brain - although the left is still doing plenty or rationalising!

We've done a few weeks of this now, and I may even be starting to relax and even enjoy it - or at least forget we're on video as we chat.

Hell, they're far from perfect or polished. I roll my eyes too much, laugh way too much, look in all weird directions, think for too long, waffle, and we talk over each other... but I think we might be improving! Slowly. Maybe!

So, if you're at all interested in Creative Writing Energy: Tools to Access Your Higher Creative Mind, feel free to tune in to Wacky Wednesday videos to learn more (or at least have a laugh).