Friday, November 4, 2016

Phallic Friday - women

You know I've been thinking a lot about women and sex. I've been pondering the Madonna/Whore issue, reading the Dangerous Women Project posts, reading Emmanuelle de Maupassant's posts about erotica and authors' views on writing. There are a lot of messy thoughts in my head that are yet to form into a decent thread or idea.

Anyway, I was chatting with a woman recently that made all these thoughts even messier. You see, she'd had a relationship with a woman. This shouldn't be too weird for me, I've met women like this before...but this was different. This was someone who I've discussed sex with before. Someone who I know has enjoyed male-female sex. Someone who I know was terrified of going down on a woman.

And I can understand her fear. I've tried to write female-female sex scenes and I always stall. I have no idea what going down on a woman is like. I've asked guys and got various answers. I've tasted myself on men - and not found it revolting. It's just that I've been conditioned to believe it's revolting, fishy, horrible, slimy... you pick a horrible word and I'm sure it's been used to describe female genitals. There's still a stigma attached to oral sex, or cunnilingus in particular.

So, imagine both of our expressions when she tells me, "You know how I was scared of the sex...well, it was fucking unbelievable!!" She's breathless and excited and her words are so powerfully filled with incredulous wonder.

Nothing was revolting or horrible or smelly or whatever other word she'd worried about (and I'd worried about). It was powerful and amazing. She didn't say it was the best sex she'd ever had - but it must have been up there because of the way she was speaking.

And I began thinking - have women become conditioned to thinking female-female sex is terrible to stop it happening? Is it a male fallacy to keep their power?

It makes me wonder about my mental block with writing female-female sex. Is it mine, or a societal pressure that I haven't noticed? I need to examine the issue and work out if it's real or not. It's given me something new to think about - something else to mess up all those confusing thoughts in my mind.

Do you have any thoughts to sort me out or mess me up?


  1. Hmmm.... but I don't think Men are likely to be trying to condition us that female-female sex is terrible to stop it happening - because soooo many men find the thought of two women together a total turn-on, don't they? I think it's more likely to be a bloke putting the rumour out about smelly & slimy because he just doesn't want to do it!

    1. I think many men do find the idea of a 2-women threesome a turn on - but I wonder how many just dream it, rather than really wanting to do it? And if they did it, I'd be betting most men wanted to be the centre of all the attention :)

      But yes, agree. Many men don't want to do it. I think that's why most romance heroes are there eating our the heroine and giving her an orgasm, before even thinking of penetrative sex for his own pleasure :)

      Cate xo